Ready for the special room

122 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Grimwald on Mar 14, 17 11:33 AM
There is a hustle and bustle of wings, and an owl settles on the workstation near me. It's PTG's owl, it tells me; further, that my three friends were in the export lab when the fireball hit, but the owl is certain that they escaped and are alive somewhere. Then it asks if I have any mice handy.

I ask the owl, what does it expect, with two ferrets already on the premises? The owl ruffles politely and removes itself to a nearby coatrack.

When did HQ acquire a coatrack?

Cash finds a png named "note to self" which proves to be a screenshot with the words "password: sKybit33x."

An envelope flutters to the floor. Inside is a letter:
Dear Grimwald,
I understand you may be in need of my assistance in the near future. When you are ready, leave a message for Rudolph at the Customs Office.
PS ~ Do you think your friend Jen would agree to accompany me to dinner at the Rapscallion? My treat.

A little pinging from the computer announces email from Skull Pete. My shipment of smuggled goods has finally arrived.

I massage my temples. Everything at once!

Edited on 03/14/2017 at 12:53:31 PM PST


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 15, 17 1:16 AM

I watch Captain Randy carefully while PTG threatens Tarquin with Boggle.

"We're not leaving." I announce.

"What?!" PTG is outraged. He slaps Tarquin. "There's nothing here!"

"Yes there is." I pat Captain Randy on the shoulder. "Randy's sanity."

"My what now?"

I turn back to PTG. "And we're NOT leaving without it!."

2,730 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Mar 15, 17 12:22 PM
Using a term current in common parlance: “I am gob smacked”!

I just cannot believe the naivety of this flibbertigibbet
Does she not remember why we are here, in this place, on this planet, wandering around the environs of this Castle.

Furthermore, it is only recently that our esteemed medical staff deemed us insane, to such an extent that we wear lovely white padded jackets with long arms.

To emphasize this opinion of her "weirdness", she has adorned hers with whatever she has been able to forage from the nearest HOS (or failing that the rubbish tip).

I realize that “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” but she will stick anything onto her clothing that glitters.

I have always been dubious about the 100% quality of Carp’ Bob’s soundness of mind but he is at least functional, especially if he thinks that he is the “alpha male”.

Jenny Wren needs to explain herself and quickly concerning her current intransigence to move from this bleak place.

At least Cap’n Bob has the means to do so, whether or not he has all his mental faculties, and thence the ability to communicate with Grim and let her get us all out of this hell-hole.

I turn to face the stubborn face and expression of my female partner


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 16, 17 7:10 AM

I sigh and slap Tarquin. "LET'S GO!"

We all walk towards the cobweb covered munitions tent.

"This is a parallel universe! It involves 'A call To Arms'! Have you heard of it?" I forage amongst the neglected arsenal.

"Of course, but no one can read it!"

"I KNOW! It's been invaded by advertising!"

PTG vomits on Tarquin.

"My sentiments exactly!" I'd slap Tarquin, but I don't want to get my hand messy.

"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!" Randy stumbles towards the billboards for skin cream, male enhancements and movie ads. "MY WORLD!"

"If we want to get our Captain back - fully sane and fully capable - we have to kill every last one of these insidious motherf-"

"-Can I go? I have a job interview at a newspaper!"

"WHY DID YOU BRING US HERE?" PTG demands, while keeping his distance.

"SHE LIT A STICK OF DYNAMITE!" We're not sure if Tarquin has soiled himself again or if it's just his current smell.

"So? I always do that." I shrug.



"Sorry… As I was saying, I didn't have time to relocate us individually, so I had to do a group transfer. They can only be done by mystical means. And then those portkeys-"

"Oh! Now J.K Rowling's gonna sue us! I can't kill her! She's a Goddess!"

"Okay, those… uh… 'magical keys that open dimensional portals'…"

"Oh, we so need a shorter word for that!"



"Those 'keys' are constricted to Official Midnight Castle objects."

"My broom!" PTG softly weeps.

"And that big impressive desk with all the fancy buttons and lights…" I muse.

"Computer consol, yes." Tarquin nods.

"So can you get us back?!" PTG still doesn't want to touch Tarquin - especially now that his crying has progressed to the 'snotty nose' stage.

"Not till the job is done!" I stare PTG down with a steely conviction. The titanium, however, is appealing.

Randy is staring angrily at a pathetic little maggot holding up a sign. It is advertising a free download of a new movie still in cinema release.

"Hold on." I aim the bazooka and fire.

2,730 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Mar 16, 17 3:30 PM
The bazooka shell shoots on wards and upwards until it disappears into the mist.

It finally gives up seeking a target and we get a firework display before a stillness reigns over the landscape once more.

Only the sounds of Randy sniffling and Tarquin sobbing break the silence

I can imagine Jenny Wren being a very popular opponent at all sports as she has absolutely useless aiming skills!

I presume that the wriggly maggot with the large advertising hoarding was her aim.

Sadly I have to say that we were the closer to it.

All of a sudden out of the heavens an electrical discharge zooms downwards and the maggot and its advert are left in a small smouldering heap on the sands!

It is then that I notice that the sand has many such little piles of debris from similar actions.

I look upwards and for a brief moment I seem to see the letters MOD appear in the clouds before winking out.

I turn my attention back to the predicament that we are in.

If this is the alternative universe where the dragons dwell, then Cap'n Bob is on familiar ground and he should be happy, particularly if he is getting extraterrestrial help from you-know-who.

Sometimes when "in his cups" he has mumbled tales of this universe and his managerial status within it. So he must be able to get the resources to magically transport us all back to our own dimension if Tarquin cannot do it by scientific or mathematical means.

I turn to him with the query: "HELP!"

2,170 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Mar 16, 17 5:48 PM
I wipe the tears from runing down my face and try to push aside the vision before me, this CAN NOT be our beloved Camp?? no no no no no this can NOT be true, last thing I remember Jen slaping the doo doo out of her prisioner , PTG in the corner sulking over his dagblasted broom, and Grim ??? um where is /was Grim,,, any way if I am not totally nutso over what has been going on , in and out of sanity and drugged till I can not walk, and so drunck I fall on my face== not bad for a tea tootler right? and my use of the English lanuage and me speeeling well forget about it. what would my CO say?? shivers to think I would spend eternity scrubbing latrines on hands and knees wit a tooh brush.
I am distracked by a loud bang and fireworks falling all around us and piles of junck fall from the sky.
I hear PTG yell HELP,, now what in tarnation is he yelling about now, sheesh you can never make that man happy , and Jenifer trying to blow us and every critters alive and dead to kingdomecome makes me want to click a pair of ruby red slippers and say * there;s no place like home* a million times over,, I have to be carfull or Jen and PTG will try and slap a pair of slippers on me ,
For some reason I look down at me poor torn scuffed beat up boots with holes big enough my toes are hanging out,, Oh I am so puting in for battel pay on this one and a Purple Heart

Okay I yell or should I say scream ENOUGH I have HAD IT,, come H*** or Atlantis I am going home back to my troops and my beloved M>A>S>H unit,back to Blossom Cherry, Stump, Fang, Brulee ,Jewel, The Golden Queen Dragon my Frost,back to the villagers BACK HOME, now if you want to follow me get on board if not SALUTE


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 17, 17 1:32 AM

"He does seem more lucid here." PTG muses.

"Hi! Would you like to try some skin cream?"

This time I don't miss. The landscape is littered with shredded posters... and their shredded posters.

"I have to get back to Grim" I turn to Randy. "I'm responsible for the CLAP!"

"You what, now?"

Six more lightning strikes in the distance take our attention. I hate it when other people are right! Especially PTG. But the lightning is far more efficient than a bazooka.

"Are you saluting me then?" Randy glares at me.

"I'm a civilian - and you're an idiot. I'll never salute you. Just find a way for us to communicate!"

Randy's brow furrows. "Amulets." He murmurs.

"I'll need two." I aim my bazooka at a supplement spruiker. Lightning beats me to it.

"Too slow Jenny Wren!" PTG smirks.

I aim my bazooka at him.

"Where did she even find that thing?"

"I think I can take one person back with me." Tarquin fiddles with a fancy watch.

I blow up a scalper flogging illegal downloads. "Got 'im!"

"Is this indiscriminate killing even legal?" PTG is clearly distressed by all the disarray - and no broom to sweep it up!

"They're cockroaches, not people."

"Good point."

We head towards the MASH unit in search of any spare amulets.

I try to beat the lightning strikes while Tarquin keeps score.

PTG prays we will find a new broom.

57 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Mazz_BigM on Mar 17, 17 3:57 AM
What the????


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 17, 17 5:32 AM


I Re-aim my bazooka.

I hit a random cockroach who has consistently phoned me about 'problems with my windows'.

I reposition my bazooka, while adding the word 'reposition' into the MC forum dictionary.

I am fully aware of all the damage I am doing!

Oh, the honour and the colour of the harbour!!!

And don't get me started on the double ells!

My bazooka hits a con artist who is trying to convince me I am being sued for tax evasion.

Mazz is relieved.

They asked for banking details!

122 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Grimwald on Mar 17, 17 2:10 PM
I've written a note to Chris Arwin to the effect that I will keep his offer of help in mind, and if he wants to ask Jenifer to dinner he had best do so himself. What's to be scared of? (Dessert, perhaps.)

I've sent Wickerbat and Cash off to fetch our goodies from that certain address Rocksville, including the all-important sack of ferret kibble.

My eyes ache from searching through possible results that lead nowhere.

I wish I had tried harder to wave to Randy and Jenifer as the Ghost Bride dragged me away. But who knew it would be the last time I'd see them?

Time, again…

I said as much myself! We'd slipped sideways from each other! If I can find a thread of time that did not experience the explosion, I might be able to salvage or commandeer that delectable workstation and database for myself!

I plot my best route to the ruins of staff gymnasium 2 and head out.

2,170 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Mar 17, 17 4:26 PM
I have to sit and try to stop my spining head, this all to much.
I have been blasted , draged through black holes in space and time, shocked by Eel's, kicked nurmeous times out of air ships, down trap doors, off bar stools, out of Belfry's out of windows, it's a wonder I am still alive, oh yeah beside being drugged out of my grey matter that even the dust bunnies are zombies, so drunk I fall flat on my face , talk to chairs, talk to tables, talk to Salty/Took/Scarecrow/ barkeeper/ what ever, barely missed getting blown from Castel to Cloud City to The Town to The Harbour to Elven Forrest to Atlantis to God only knows by TNT bomb crazy shoot them up blow them up TNT Bomb crazy Jenifer yet here I am siting on this rock looking at PTG and Jenifer argue over lipstick and brooms, oh and can not forget poor broken eared Grim lost in la la land trying to get back here and here is ?????
Okay if I could pleaseeeeeeeeeee have a minute or a nano second of your time you two
I do not know who defraged me here nor what time zone or altered universe I am in all I know is as I said putting my foot down and H**** or Atlantis I am going back to camp to sanity and finish what I was ordered here to do , fight this war of evil and restore MC Castel to the rightful ruler and give the batteled scared land back to the villagers, now if you want to join me fine follow me if not um glad to have met you?

Okay Cap this is not real remember the camp remember Imp waitng for you to finish your talk with Blossom remember the tunels,remember the ruin stones the troops used as markers to guide you to camp, thing is where to start??
This is like playing TWOF spin and when you stop march,,,, I look around and I can see images but they are so blury I can not make them out clearly they all look like walls of Jello,,okay man make up your mind what way? you are not going to get out of this H*** hole standing here thinking about it, I turn South and take my first steps not looking back,,,,,,,,

Edited on 03/17/2017 at 4:28:19 PM PST


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 17, 17 10:40 PM
"Randy!" I call.

He turns around.

I fire the bazooka at a telemarketer, then put it down.

"This can't be Goodbye!"

"This is where I belong."

"Can't we stay in touch?"

"Perhaps." Captain Randy reaches into his britches and tosses me an amulet.


"That's how we can stay in touch, idiot woman!"

"Oh." I gingerly pick it up and wipe it on PTG's terry cloth jumpsuit. "HEY!"

"I'll get one here and contact you whenever I can. We'll fight this war on two fronts."

Tears well in my eyes and I jump at Randy, hugging his tummy and kissing his elbows.


"Just take it!"

Randy sighs and steals one of my feathers as a keepsake. Mostly because it was shoved up his nose at the time. He pats me on the back. "Crazy idjit warbling woman."

I step back and turn to Tarquin. "I'm ready."

Tarquin calibrates his fancy watch and takes my hand.

"Remember me this way, Randy!" I take out a strawberry ice cream cone and jam it onto my forehead.

Then Tarquin and I disappear.

Edited on 04/05/2017 at 6:12:25 AM PST


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 17, 17 10:53 PM

Tarquin and I land in a heap in the Ancient Park. It appears there is no mode of transport in the MC universe that doesn't deposit travellers this way.

"We're home?"

"Yep." Tarquin pulls out his newspaper. "Now I have a job interview to get to!"

"Wait! What about PTG? You have to go back for him!"

"Are you drunk?! That guy scares the living daylights out of me!"

I watch Tarquin flee towards the Castle.

"Aw craponacracker!"

I race to HQ. A despondent and bleary eyed Grim is sitting before the monitors.

"Wickerbat! - ouch"

I pounce on Grim and this time she lets me stroke her fur and kiss her head. "Watch the ears!"


"Okay, I need to bring you up to speed, but first - two questions."

"Fire away."

"Where is PTG?"

"Ah... he got left behind. We have to figure out how to get him back."

"Okay... and two - why is there an ice cream cone on your head?"

"Long story."

2,730 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Mar 17, 17 11:26 PM
I watch as Jenny Wren and Randy hug and exchange vows of a kind only possible when a feather is stuck between them and then Cap'n Bob marches off into the heat haze and mirage of this desert.

I notice that the wriggling monstrosities with the weird messages leap after him being rapidly followed by lightning strikes incinerating them.

I turn to comfort my female partner who appears very subdued and now missing a rather important feather from her decollitage only to see that she has grabbed hold of Tarquin, muttered some command or other and they too have disappeared.

So here I am all alone sitting on a rock and "contemplating my navel" (so to speak).

AND without a broom but with my Chief Castle Sweeper Upper badge, so presumably my salary still goes into the coffers monthly.

Unfortunately there is no means here to spend any of it and I could really do with a nice cup of tea at this moment to reflect on all this new misery!

122 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Grimwald on Mar 18, 17 5:49 AM
I am trotting along the tunnels when I step in a puddle of melting ice cream and go sliding off a cliff. I have that nasty downward sensation that usually means I've fallen asleep in class.

I am sitting in front of my five computer monitors, making no sense of any of them. But that's because I've been asleep, head on the keyboard. The ferrets have returned with a loaded cart and have taken it upon themselves to unpack. Kibble is scattered across the floor. Even PTG's owl is nibbling at the occasional pellet.

I clean drool from my fur (ick) and finish plotting my route to the staff and maintenance sections of the Castle. My ear pricks. Someone is coming toward HQ in a hurry. I turn toward the door just as Jenifer bursts in with great excitement.

Cash and Wickerbat tackle Jenifer, and Jenifer tackles me. "Ouch! Watch the ears!" But I hug her back. "Where are PTG and Randy?"

"Ah. Randy stayed behind. PTG got left behind. We have to figure out how to get him back!"

"Ick, watch the ice cream! What flavor is that? It's pink."

"Not sure, but aren't we safe as long as it's not Rocky Road?"

"The only flavor I know for certain is safe is pistachio, and that's because I smuggle it in from outside." I smack my forehead. "Gah, I knew I forgot to add something to that order!"

"Outside --! Wait, you KNEW there is an outside?" Jenifer grabs me by my collar.

I push her hand away and tip my good ear at her. "Of course. Where do you think all this equipment comes from?"


"So. Where did Randy stay, and where did PTG get left?"


122 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Grimwald on Mar 18, 17 6:39 AM
Jenifer paces dramatically.

"It was terrible! There were scammers and telemarketers everywhere, and it was always dinnertime, or occasionally bathtime, so they were ALWAYS calling. Plenty to eat, at least. I even brought some back." She pulls out a can of genuine Hormel Foods brand Spam. I really don't understand why she chooses to locate her point of inventory there.

"Hmm. Doesn't sound like they are outside enough. So Randy does not want rescued but PTG does?" I hit print. "I have a plan - I mean a floor plan - and coordinates, and an idea."

"Is it cunning?" Jenifer scoops up Hoppy and Cash.

"Floor plans aren't usually cunning." I stuff the printouts and Wickerbat into my backpack, and gently tuck my injured ear inside my hat. PTG's owl settles on my shoulder. We're beginning to look like a walking menagerie! "Let's go!"

Tunnel to Jeweler's Workshop. Jeweler takes Heaven Descendent and Ring of Bloody Eyes. Griffin Stall to Fire Fountain. Jenifer takes Vampire Palm. Passage behind the Keeper to Business Wing. Administrative Assistants take umbrage and call for security.

We dive down a stairwell with Castle Security hot on our heels, and turn left when the stairs spiral right. Security continues barreling to the right. "How do you do that?" Jenifer gasps.

"Practice," I answer. "Two years of lurking and not being seen."

I consult my printed, possibly cunning, floor plan and we head along the newest passage to a maintenance elevator.

"Two years!" Jenifer says. "I only arrived last October. How can you still be level 39?"

I mash the button for the lowest level and blush under my fur. "Well… it's because I can't stand odd numbers. It's those weird little cash bonuses you find in the Crafting Lab that throw me off. Right now my bank statement advances by fives and tens, and I'll keep it that way as long as I can. It means I can't use the Crafting Lab, though, and that means I can't advance."

The elevator doors open. We have nearly reached staff gymnasium 2. But in what time thread?

Edited on 03/18/2017 at 9:44:14 AM PST

2,730 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Mar 18, 17 3:34 PM
Well, I have now finished my second cup of tea and am still alone in this alien environment.

This place is so desolate and the heat is getting unbearable in the desert sun.

I had expected to be rescued by now, so there must be some technical problem or glitch preventing my rescuers – Jenny Wren and Grim – from transporting me back to the civilization that I know and love so well.

I can’t stay here – there is now nothing useful: no food, no drink, and no company.
I have to move, but where to?

I look more carefully around me and notice in the distance towards the south, If the sun's position is any indication, that there is a range of mountains and there seems to be some greenery on the sides of the lower hills. Also I can see over the tops of the peaks large flying creatures that wheel and turn together.

My mind recalls a conversation I once had with Cap’n Bob many moons ago just after he had first terrified me with his “pet”: a large dragon he fondly called Frosty.

Could those creatures be dragons?

It would make some sense taking into consideration some of his last remarks about “going home”.

This must be one of the outskirts of habitation and all I have to do is to follow in his footsteps and I might, just might find the answer to my troubles.

After a bit more thinking on my lack of choices, I get up from my rock, carefully stow my tea cup in my pocket in case I find a source of water and begin to slowly move towards the nearby hills

2,170 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Mar 18, 17 4:26 PM
I stare wide eyed at Jen that screams EWWWWWWWWWWWW and drops the medal I just gave her, and wonder what has she gotten into again , drugged ice cream , oh maybe she found a new stash of pink pills .
she DID not just wipe the medal on PTG's new terry cloth jumpsuit * the one he is so proud of now a huge mud/sand stain from where Jen wiped the medal ,, ???? what is she mummbling about?? contact ?? how?? OMG she has lost her mind and thinks we can talk through a medal, oh oh wait I think poor Jen has the medal mixed up with the Camp's Amulet's the ones that General Blue blessed and gave us so we are always in contact with eatch other and our critters* them having chips inplanted in the ears* made and put in by the troops resident vet* but poor Jen only has a few grey matter cells working * damage from all the KABOOM'S from the Bombs and TNT she throws,, she forgot I told her I wished I had my Amulet with me but it is sitting on the table next to my pipe in my cottage,I did not think I needed it for I was just going outside to talk to Blossom, leason well learned.
WOOOOO boundaries there Jen as I am jumped on and hugged like a pillow and kisses on my stomach and elbows , have to snicker Jen is a short like bag of TNT but strong as a bull argggggggggg and one crazy ear spliting warbling idjit woman as I hide the feather in my pockect a fond memory of my lill Tasmanian Devil Jenifer,,
I push her away and before I can say another word she rams a strawberry ice cream cone on her forehead the POOF she is gone.

2,170 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Mar 18, 17 4:46 PM
A strang feeling comes over me, tears fill my eyes heart breaks a tad, I am going to miss them and all that we went through , I will keep them in my heart and ask the Elves to watch over them protect them as they do my troops and maybe one day I can find a way to get to see them again, but my drive to get back to The Camp Under The Midnight Moon is a driving force so strong I can not nor will I fight it, just what way do I go ??
How do I get back , find and fight the evil force that put me here?
I hold my head high ,wipe my face , shoulders square and strong I march on keeping a close watch for any sign that will lead me in the right direction.
The sky line before me shimmers like I am the jungle intense heat is making my every breath tear at my lungs, all of a sudden I hear water,,, a brook?? a stream?? a water fall??
I dig deep and force my feet to run towards the sound,, I am barley aware of going through a curtain of Jello and and falling inches away from a pond,,, I crawl to the edge and throw my head in and gulp the cool water till I think I will drown,, I rool over like a beached whale and gulp air,, my racing heart slow to a normal beat and afraid to open my eyes I force myself to open them,, before me is a vision one I thought I would never see again,, The Ancient Park,, I roll over YES YES The Overgrown Pond,, over my shoulder is the Chapel,,OMG I am almost home but I need sleep and food to get my strength back to be able to trek the rest of the way,,


Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Mar 18, 17 11:21 PM
"Oh, don't get me started on the odd numbers!" I feel a wonderful sense of kinship whenever I discover and OCD quirk just like mine. "But you have to push through it! Then - one day - they'll be back to fives or zeroes! Then it will change again! And you have no idea where it will end - but you know, deep in your heart, that when it comes, you'll start crafting random objects until it gets to zero again! Because the idea of your coin count being permanently stuck on an odd number is enough to have you tearing your hair out!"

"Jenifer!" Grim angrily calls from the other side of the gymnasium. Turns out I was giving my speech to a closed elevator door.

"Sorry!" I bound over. My bells echo in the empty gymnasium.

We hide under the bleachers.

"Why are we hiding under the bleachers?"

"We are waiting." Grim studies her floor plan. Anabel pops out of my corset and pounces on my pony tail.

"Wait - who is that?"

"Oh, I got a kitten. I named her Anabel."

"That could get confusing, plot-wise."

"I agree. Her code name for all operations is 'Bell'." Bell climbs up my back and into my hair. Cash joins her. Hoppy is grateful for the solitude.

"This Menagerie is getting out of hand."

"That reminds me, your membership fees for the CLAP are due, but don't worry - it's tax deductible."

"We still haven't come up with a better acronym?"

"No we have not."

Edited on 04/05/2017 at 6:17:35 AM PST

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