Ready for the special room

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 5, 17 6:09 AM
I hear the crowd outside my room cheering and look out of the window to see a small lithe female astride a very large and ugly crocodile. She is wearing the victor’s laurel wreath and being tossed flowers and garlands by the adoring MC players as she generously distributes her bounty from the dice table.

She is crooning that devilish ditty: The sun's as warm as a baked potato

GRRRRRRR!

This will not do! She now thinks she rules the Castle by using words like “sun” and “potato” from my favorite HOSes.

I will not be subdued by illegal tactics. There is no mention of a horseshoe Frisbee being used as a weapon in my Don Quixote manual.

I don my very bent chain mail and limp out of my room and downstairs. On the way I tie two brooms together to form a very long pole and get a large steak from the Guard’s Room.

Thus armed I stride into the jousting lists invoking the ancient Castle gods to my aid. I shout Crazy Horse’s own yawp “:Hokahe Today is a good day to die!

The crowd hushes and she turns her leviathan to face me. I see the beast’s nose twitch as it smells the meat

Let battle commence!


 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 5, 17 9:06 AM
I sing at the top of the bottom of my heart WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SHINeing ,,, The huge male nursie shouts SHUT up you idjiot and get in there as he throws me head first or back first into my padded room stupid idjoit moi??? snarckel I am not the one who just slaped the irons and padlocks on the ocopussy and stuck dat der syringie hors needle into da crab no wonder he turn red wohahahahahahha ,,, shhhhhhhhh must fake being knocket out ,, woweeeee Frost go brush yer toffies you gots fish breath again,,
Hark what is this I hear???? a stand off?? Frost cmere as I climb up da window wiff me helmet cocked eyed on me head humm that is why I can only see wiff one eyeball, there better,,, I look out into the court yard at the castel gate or is that the Underground Grotto? whatever ,,,, flying watermelons?? horseshoes??? WTH ??? and what in the game of MC is that on a crock? covered in potatoes, garland, bells, onions, avocardos, whistels, flying frisbee's?? what is she cooking us lunch ? decorating a tree? or thunk she be da next ruler of this mad house ,, well she has no idea at what she up against I shout HEY PTG up here,,,, you grab her leave me dat crock I kin make you da purtiest hand bag * wink wink* yes Frost you kin have da steak turns sround ,, forgots I is up on Frosts back and head over tea keetle I fly ,,, on dis goin hurt ,,,,,,

 
playingthegame
Stingray
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 5, 17 10:07 AM
I am at a slight disadvantage as the only horse I could find was a clothes-horse, but never mind, I am now sitting astride it, stationary and waitin for me foe to meet me.
She appears to be doing limbering up exercises on top of her now mobile croc.
I will NOT be distracted by her feminine dishabille and poke my makeshift lance in her direction. At the same time toss the meat to one side to distract her open mouthed steed.
The crowd roar, but I notice that they are all looking up into the sky. Not at moi. Rapidly descending from high in the Castle are the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come spiraling down and shouting GERONIMO!
It is that idjit Randy come to spoil the fight. He splinters my lance as he falls on top of us both. He hurls himself at the croc which seems rather surprised to find that something is actually attacking it. Within minutes he is stitching together a rather fetching purse from a slice of its rump.
My lady opponent seems to be very upset as he has also spoilt her immaculate makeup, specially donned for the occasion. Distracted, she tries to spear him with her umbrella lance. There are veg, baubles, bits of metal, even the popcorn that the crowd had given her now strewn all over the floor. Also one small crab scuttling away which causes her to blush a little.
Not so feisty now are you? I **** the victors laurel leaf from her brow and ram it on top of my helmet. At the same time she knocks my helmet off and kicks it into the crowd. The baying masses are chanting; “FIGHT! FIGHT!” and hurl it back.
A bloody hand holding a ladies purse swings it and once more I eventually find myself on a stretcher.
Is there no end to my humiliation? Bested by both a hairy maniac and a lithe spirit in drag?
I do not need to be told twice by the Castle guards and medics who have arrived in force and slink back into my room where I am once more incarcerated.

 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 5, 17 1:02 PM
Standing over da crocked Crock wiff Crock goop runing down me leg and looks at those idjits still in der boxers * hehehehe** must be cold on dem der hairy legs*** but I not giving back my armour nor my to big helmet ,smacks it back off me eyes,,????? where was I ????? oh yeah Gaurds medics yep yep okay got it,,, watch as they drag poor PTG off to her padded room dragging her beloved broom behind her,,, poor thin looks down hearted , I stand tall raise my pickle and swear I will rescue you fair lady ,,, but wait NO NO NO get yer paws offin me I not done wiff da Crock as I am dragged back to my padded room waving me pickle curssing the Guards YOU HAVE NOT SEEN DA LAST OF MOI... I bounch of da wall as I get shoved in me room and get ready fer da syrigine thingie ***** shhhhhh dumb idjit do not know I stuffed * My Pillow* in me troushers .....
Make like I seepie grunt groan hehehehe..... hear da door slam ,,, up like a flash and grab da needle and thread,, da Crock skin **** I can not believe dem idjits did no see this hide I was dragging *** talk about stupid,,,
Monkey lands in da window hands me every thing else I need thank a Howler you kin back to yer hanging around at Salty's
Oh da Jewler did a snap up job on the Crocks toofies necklace and PTG will love the Rune Stone necklace I grabed from da Crocks mouth,, wipes out Bowie knife , arms ache from all da cuting now to stich all this together

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 5, 17 1:23 PM
I SCREAM at the wall of my abode pummeling my head on its hard surface. OUCH!.
“Well here’s another fine mess you have got me into!”
Your brain must be full of second-hand cotton wool and we are both now incarcerated while that flibbertigibbet is parading herself like Lady Muck before the crowds.
Admittedly she is now on foot, but just think for a moment: She is outside and free while we are inside and locked up!

 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 5, 17 3:11 PM
Oh never fear fair Lady me has more den me arm up me sleeve.
Just a few more stiches OUCH know who in TOM H*** ask fer a blood test??? oh tee hehehehe I picked me finner.
Looks at all me hard work, very nice yep dis will do da trick lets see,
One leather hat check
One leather vest check
Leather chaps * leg protection* check
Leather shackels * braided fer strentgh * check
Leather Gag
Leather Handbag check
Leather pouch check
Leather knuckel busters check
Very long Leather rope * note need oil lamp fer da rope burn* 1/2 check
and finally a pair of butifull leather Shoes * hope dey fits PTG footies seeing I no know her size * oh well de be leather they will stretchhhhhhhhh * ????? and what if they are to large you idjit?? oh great gots to bust outa here I is talking to meself.
climbs up Frosts back and throws the leather rope out da window grabs bag of goodies,,,, looks down at me target and yells GERONIMO,,,,,,,, flys straight to where Jenifer is waving to da crowd

Edited on 01/05/2017 at 3:12:17 PM PST


 
Jenifer_Rule
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 5, 17 9:52 PM

My crab had deserted me. My steed has eaten several spectators. I've lost a slipper and my laurel wreath is askew. My opponent has been dragged back to her room for 'observation'.

My pink pills have worn off.

Then I see those Knights and remember that ONE day I forgot to move them, and had to start all over again.

And then I remember the secret weapon I wrested from the very jaws of my steed in the Crocodile Bush.

I light the stick of dynamite and charge towards the Castle Gates!

The crowd roars with encouragement! "Oh God! Stop her!", "Call the guards!", "Run for your lives!", "Hey! I found a furry, purple slipper!"

Victory is within my sights. "It's a schpadoinkle daaay!" I will destroy those dust making giants with one fell swoo-

I ended up in the belfry. The snake is not happy. I can hear a fair amount of commotion atop the constant ringing in my ears. I think I'm being accused of breaking a well. The Knights are still there, unscathed. No sign of Poppet.

I hear guards. I grab a kettle and prepare to defend myself. They're armed with syringes and an interesting looking jacket. "Oooh! Is it couture?" I ask to try it on.

Don't remember much after that.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 5, 17 11:57 PM
It is an interesting thing that has just happened.

One minute I am sitting on my cot with aching head having hit it too hard on my wall in frustration.

BOOM! BOOM!

The next thing I notice is Randy sitting next to me looking rather dazed and clad in croc. leather fragments

There is also now a large hole in my window in the shape of a large man’ figure.
Is there no end to my opponent’s talents? The guy can now fly as well?

I asked him if he had come to rescue me (snigger, snigger)?

All he could do with a very disheveled stare is to point at the hole and then down.
I go over to the window and notice a large crater has appeared by the Castle Gates and medics are in attendance to two befuddled guards.

As there are no contestants in the jousting lanes the crowd have dissipated with many demanding their money back.

All I wanted was a bit of peace. I had a clean white uniform, a sparkling clean broom and four undamaged walls and a ceiling.

Now look at me!

I have the cold elements battering me, a broom with a broken handle and sharing a bed with my bête noire

Then I hear that siren crooning Barry Manilow ABOVE me!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 
Jenifer_Rule
Angelfish
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 6, 17 1:07 AM

Chewing through my restraints...

"At fuh Cofa, Cofuhcafamma.... Mufik and baffon ber orway buh faffon, at fuh Cofaaaa...."

I hear screams below me, followed by a dull thumping of bone and flesh against brick.

I mourn the loss of my untrustworthy steed, but remember there are still squirrels about. But the jousting event is over.

Tomorrow is the melee!

Chew chew chew chew

"Vey fell im wuuuv..."

The screams and thuds lull me to sleep...


 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 6, 17 10:24 AM
Last thin I remebers is flying throw da air aiming for Jenifer ,
Looks bewildered at PTG ,, how did I gets here wiff you , and what happened to your purtiy room and lookie at your uniformy oh noooooooooooo your broom all busted
*DID I DI DAT***
Looks at my hand and smiles hehehehe must have hit me target lookie here I got her Laurel Wreath thingie she was proud of and and here PTG lookie what I grabed out of dat uggie crocks mouth before he went bye bye ,, hands PTG da Ruin Stone necklace ,
OWIEEEEEEEEE me head hurts and PTG says I bet it does you idjit look what you did to my window , well wall , well what used to be a wall with a brand new window,,,
I wipe me aching head arouns and cover me ears NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO make it stop Barry Manilow craponacracker I did done died and went to
AND WIH IS THAT CATTEL WALLING coming from da Belfry???????????????

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 6, 17 11:25 AM
Sitting on my cot and then falling to the floor as my companions weight tilts it over, I reflect that we are but two mere amateurs at the game of besting a Female.

We need professional advice!

So I gently take hold of what is left of the leather rope but still attached to the dazed Randy’s waist and prop him up against what was my window.

I launch myself through the hole and swing like crazy down to the floor below and in through the window. Unfortunately it was shut which caused some panic but Fuzzy Balls saw me and kindly let me through his parlor.

I have escaped from my secure unit and into the open world

I now make for the Forbidden Tower to get advice from the Dragon. But the stupid mutt is saying na da even when I feed him with some tenderized croc skin.

However the Book of Evil is just above his head, so browsing through the spells I find one that counteracts feminine charms and wiles.

I have to make some perfume and get that warbling and at present asleep nymph in the belfry to have a good sniff.

So I write a shopping list on my dirty tunic sleeve: cauldron (check: it’s in the Underground Grotto); eye of newt (check: there’s an unsuspecting lizard in the Overturned Boat that should do); toe of frog (check: he! he! I love frog’s legs mmmmmm. NO! Concentrate: come here my little wise pet toad I have some food for you); wool of bat and tongue of dog (this is getting too complicated so I’ll try with just the first ingredients).

I need some wood to get the fire going - so feed my pet Snow Griffin and get a wooden chest – perfect!

Time to make the soporific perfume so start stirring when I hear a rustling sound behind me??????????????????

 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 6, 17 5:01 PM
Shakes my head to clear that cat howling coming from da belfry and wonder why am I standing legs and arms spread over a hugemungus hole in da wall,,,,,,,,,,, when all of a sudden WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHH I am flying through the sky,,,,
WHAT WHERE WHEN SWOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH rot rouh da belt is tied around me waist and BOOMMMMMMMMMMM I land in Fuzzy's palor?? OH NOOOOOOOOOOO off agin yikes Wise One close yer mouth I am NOT dinner,,,,,,,,,,,he snorts PTG ?? oh yeah that way and I am air born agin..........OH my backside is starting to feel like raw meat, will not be able to sit fer a mounth of Sundays and will look like road kill sheeshhhhhhhh whooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh no Potion Shop ahead all dat glass not goin be good,,
at Griffin as I fly by oh wait wait Mr Griffin do you have a shard handy??? zoommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm crash BOOM bangggggggggg fall on me face and come to a screaching halt right at the footies of PTG,,,,,,,,, OMG PTG we have to stop meeting like dis yer going kill me ,, fades to black

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 7, 17 12:52 AM
I look behind me and see a now very disheveled Randy prone by my feet with a mouth full of Dragon ???.

I do wish he would stop following me around trying to mess things up when I notice that we are still attached a by a lovely piece of croc. skin. But there is no time to admire this. I must get on and brew something special.

Now where was I?

Ah! Yes. Stir…. Stir - with me incanting:

[i]“For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble."


Oh dear! Something is not right as It smells and looks like bat droppings (being very polite, but there are other phrases coming to mind!).
This will not tempt our siren into silence except perhaps permanent silence

Back to the spell book and see in the corner of the page a small note “+ blood”.

Whose blood??

I look down at Randy and smile………..

"Come here, my favorite idjit, I need something from you"

Unfortunately he has seen the knife and my very false smile

He grabs a big fat hot dog to defend himself with but is immediately smothered by his pet pooch.

It is a stand off, as I cannot decide whose blood I want nor which one will be docile enough for me to take it.

So we have to negotiate a truce to get rid of the caterwauling.


 
Jenifer_Rule
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 7, 17 4:22 AM
I have chewed through my ropes.

There is a considerable commotion above, below and off to the right as my coinhabitants of this nightmarish dystopian labyrinth seek alliances, solitude, sustenance or candy.

I do the rounds to prepare for the melee.

I choose not the conventional weapons that they would suspect.

No… I choose the ferocity of nature!

I have a sack of weapons at the ready! 4 mice, 1 crow, 3 frogs, 1 bluebird, 3 lizards, 2 butterflies, 5 spiders, 2 squirrels, 2 dragonflies, 3 bats, 2 snails, 4 scorpions, 2 seahorses, 2 grasshoppers, 2 rats, a rabbit, a hedgehog, an octopus, a monkey, an elephant and a koala.

And I am ready to just hurl them at anyone who crosses me!!!!

Starting with the butterflies!

Don't make me break out "Mandy"!

I am ready for the nurses.... They won't stop me a second time!

I have snails!


 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 7, 17 7:46 AM
Shaking his head but still speechless Randy shoves Frosty to one side and hands me a sheet of paper which has been torn from the Book of Knowledge in the Library.

He croaks still with a mouthful of croc and other unmentionable things, “Stick that on the library page and all will be revealed”.

It seems we have now gone all high tech and the cauldron is useless. [I've always wanted to use that emoticon!]

I need to go next door and use the Alchemic Convertor. I must be careful though as I may get the Rage Essence and that is the last thing I want to give her. She’s feisty enough as it is.

The ingredients for the spell appear to be the same and begin to glow so I will start again.

SHOCK!

No lizards anywhere; my pet frog has disappeared as well.

I spend an hour hunting around the HOS throughout the Castle and environs for another frog but find that they too have all gone.

Something is “afoot”!

 
Jenifer_Rule
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 7, 17 8:16 AM

My sack of ammunition is wriggling with anticipation. Or just annoyance. There may be some conflict within the ranks. Possibly some have eaten others, thus depleting my missile supply.

My slingshots are poised and ready.

My vantage point in the belfry is secure, though I don't trust the snake.

I await the dawn.

 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 7, 17 9:54 AM
Spits Crock meat from me toofies man that stuff is sticky ,,
Backs away from PTG me no likes da look in dem der eyes ,, whatcha you want from now
as I toss her a page I tore out of da book as I flew past it trying to grab da stand to stop me flight through space,,,,hum maybe dat is where I shinged me Bottom those Lava rocks are HOT,,
Right back to reality wohahahhaha I made a funy ,,, then gulp as I get de evil eye from PTG, ok ok ok where were we?
WHAT WHAT looking round following PTG's whirling head , body STOP ya making me dizzy what are you looking for, what are you missing??? grabs page , reads uh huh uh huh uh huh oh goes on so da cauldron is useless ,good I never like that creppy hand in da anyway always wanted to prick it wiff me Sai,,
PTG stop.... listen... now that is to creepy,, no sound coming from da befry?? but listen harder do you hear croaks? chirps? tiny wings flapping? tweets? squeeks? HISSSSSSSSSS rot rouh I thunks we now know where all da lill critters are I put me finner to me lips and shhhhhhhhhh points up,,,
Cmere PTG I has to whisper,, got a crazy idea that we up against more than a looney female called Jenifer like maybe Murk or Arabella ??? you know they can change into shape changers??? oh man we have to be ready to fight da devil him/herself
Come on get that potion together we goin need it PTG SNAP OUT OF IT no time to be brain wandering now...........THINK PTG THINK dawn is coming fast........

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 7, 17 11:46 AM
The potion is made and I’ve tested it on Frosty who has turned all funny.

But we have to get to that siren. whoever she really is and surprise her.

I’m afraid that is not going to be easy as she is watching the Belfry door and no doubt has a plan to ambush us and she has a LOT of ammunition.

I could send Randy up the stairs first to take all the missiles but that would not be fair, would it??

MMMMMMMMMMMMM We go down!

Randy looks at me with renewed respect (I think that is his expression) and backs away when I advance on him with the knife.

NOOOOOOOOO! I don’t want your worthless hide I want the rope you’ve lovingly platted.

I then cut it from his waist tie one end to mine and pay Santa for the temporary use of his sleigh (it is exorbitant in the number of antiques he wants and there is a pause while I do 100 HOS). I then tie the other end to a runner.

I steer the sleigh OVER the Belfry and abseil down from it onto the roof of the belfry.

I take a bow from the admiring Randy before leaping head first into the fray

I will cherish the look on that caterwauler for the rest of my days as I squash her flat with my body.

Her sling goes flying and her bag, now opened, disgorges all the missing creatures in the Castle. There is a scuttling and rustling with all manner of creatures returning to their correct places for future HOS delectation. The scorpion is looking ugly and mad so I keep well away from it.

Then with me having done all the real work, Randy appears in the doorway and smiles at me holding the potion.

But something happens that I still cannot comprehend…………

 
playingthegame
Stingray
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 7, 17 1:37 PM
Frosty, who is as macho a male as his owner, espies a prone female and having been primed with my magical potion pounces!

Well she did want a melee and now she has got one. Unfortunately for her, it is not of the human kind.

Magical potions are wonderful but mysterious things and as he started to lick her face, he burped.

What Randy and I had failed to achieve, Frosty managed in a few seconds to subdue the cacophony coming from that siren. She was both struck dumb and rendered glassy eyed!

Randy stood there in croc skin bits with an open mouth seeing his pet in full attack-mode and was still holding the bottle of potion when the scorpion struck.

Fortunately for my bête noire it struck croc. skin which, as you know, is impervious to those little critters. Randy however, did not know this and thought the potion was a panacea and so quaffed the lot!

Now it was I backing away from him and screaming for the nurses to take me back to my own safe haven of a cell (which admittedly was air-conditioned at the moment through no fault of my own)

My last views were of both Frosty and his owner being put in a “paddy wagon” by Guards and Nurses for transport to the outer reaches of the Castle domain for “rehabilitation”

 
eastendteddy
Salmon
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Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 7, 17 5:35 PM
I stand there eyes flashing back and forth like lightning from Frost to the scorpion knowing da thin is goin to bite me yet my footies are like a cement block weighed to da floor I kin no move and my head goin explode looking at Frost leaning over a very prone female with flowing from her eyes and kin hear her say to my Frost oh you big handsome hunk of my Shining Knight in in Teflon Armour riding in to rescue me and your handsome Unicorn Steed not bad either, she grabs a cigar and does a crazy Groucho Marx impersonation * Why Don't You Come Up And See Me Sometime* as Frost licks her face like she is a steak from The Prison in da Tower where dat stupid huggy Vulcure has been eyeing it for a life time ... stupid bird.
Oh dis will never do I need a drink, wait a dagnabit minute did I hear PTG call me her bete noire???????? and I was thunckin I was wuved , oh I really need dat drink now then lifts da bottel to slug it all down as I watch that scorpion nails me , I drop da bottle and grab my throat oh craponacracker I am dead meat now ,,, all of a sudden I kin fly cause me footies do not feel da floor and I grunt as I kin barely make out the outline of a paddy wagon?? oh fer joy we goin on a ride where we going ,, are we there yet << >>>a strange feeling is coming over me a hot flash and as I try to speak very loud squak escapes my lips ,,,

 
 
 
 
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