Ready for the special room

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 4, 17 12:01 AM

I survey everyone's outfits while pacing back and forth.

"Are you sure Randy will be safe here?" Grim ruffles her new embroidered doublet.

We all look to Captain Post-op RoboRandy, frozen in carbonite.

"There's a release switch on the inside." I give him a knock. "It's operated by gas."

Roo has decided that pudding is no longer a viable lubricant for her mechanical knees, so Grim finds some oil, while I add some more bows to her crop-top poncho which sets off her glitter disco pants nicely.

I tend to Katie, who has come in for a standard issue straitjacket upgrade. They are all so plain and boring! Five minutes with a bedazzling gun and some leftover lobster shells has her feeling fantastic. She feels ready to go to her art therapy class now. We wonder if we will ever see her again.

We still don't know where Shelley is, so I lay out a Shirley Bassey knockout for her with a note to guard Captain Frozen-Post-op-RoboRandy.

Dandy Dog has gone to Salty's. My attempts to introduce her to the barnacle range of hotpants were not successful. So I'm wearing them instead.

"OKAY!" I clap my hands. "I think we're all ready!"

Grim produces the PLANS. "Okay… we are here and they are there."

"Question?" I raise my hand.

"Jenifer." Grim acknowledges.

"Who are they?"

We all look about with uncertainty.

"I thought you knew!"

"Only enemies I know of are in the blimp over the Cloud City."

"So who are they?"

"That's what I asked!"

PTG falls through the crack in the floor, which is the ceiling of The House of Schpadoinkle.

"Watch your step!"

He looks very cranky.

We await the scolding, while I hold material swatches up to his rather purple face.

"Definitely a winter!" I immediately head to my bell and faux fur collection.

PTG seems to suffer an aneurysm as he tries to choose his first sentence. "We're supposed to be on a mission!"

"Not in that outfit."

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on May 4, 17 3:49 AM
As I sit there in the peace and quiet of solitude I ponder on how on earth I am going to find them all again. Even Cap’n Bob, who when I last saw him was almost comatose and on a gurney has vanished.

I then look at Ms Wren’s note a little more carefully. The receipt is date and time stamped and indicates she made this purchase only about 10 minutes ago.

“Knowing” her from old, she can spend an entire afternoon looking for a reel of white cotton so she must be in seventh heaven purchasing vast amounts of frippery for all of them.

Kayley’s store then is the starting point for finding them. The only problem is that I am here and that is there and I have no map or clue how to get from one to t’other.

But Grim must have found an aperture so all I have to do is to locate their trail.

I notice that there are some damp patches in one particular spot.

Ah! That is where someone has recently dried off from their bathing activity.

I go over and sure enough an aperture opens like magic. (Well, it is magical!)

I stride through expecting to find another tunnel and end up flat on my face and peering up at four grinning females who do not seem at all surprised at my entrance.

They are all wearing ghastly outfits which could only have been concocted by that crazy Aussie fashionista.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on May 4, 17 3:55 AM
Getting to my feet in as dignified manner as possible I am assailed by her holding a swatch of the most hideous purple satin.

No greeting! No: “How are you today?” Nothing! Just muttering about my complexion, attiring me in fur and then disappearing back among the rolls of material.

Before the air turns blue with VERY rude Cockney expletives I notice a young open mouthed lass in fancy dress at the side of the shop, who Roo is busily trying to shield from my wrath.

“Her name is Katie and she is just leaving”. Roo then quickly escorts her from the store while I compose myself.

Since shouting has no effect on these harbingers of chaos and doom, I try another voice (when I have found it):

We are supposed to be on a mission”.

And am elbowed out of the way by a very determined Grim holding a sheath of maps and diagrams.

She opens up the large scroll: “we are here and want to know where there is!”

“Ask him”, I reply pointing to Cap’n Bob who seems to be very still and isn’t talking.
It is then I notice that he has been entombed in some diabolical medical apparatus and metaphorically speaking is ‘no longer with us’

“Oh! I need a cup of tea and a search through my memory banks for previous conversations with our dear Cap’n!"

I sit down and notice Jenny Wren slyly smiling at Grim. They think that they have escaped my wrath.
They haven’t – it is just been put temporarily on hold!

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 4, 17 8:13 AM

I hand PTG a strong cup of English Breakfast while swaddling him in a mixture of violet, maroon and puce velvet.

"Is that my hammock?" His tea cup shakes violently against the saucer. He appears to be transfixed with some discarded linen on the floor.

"Shhh,.. never mind that now..." I cajole, while deciding on shoulder pads verses epaulets. I decide on the latter. They better compliment his jodhpurs.

PTG seems astonishingly calm as we force him into his new outfit. There are "oooh's" and "ahhh's" as we admire his quite regal commanding appearance.

The vein on his temple is positively POPPING with joy.

"SO!" I call, after the applause has died down. "Who are they?"

PTG very, very carefully sets his finished cup of tea down on the porch. He straightens his double-breasted violet/maroon/puce military jacket and takes a breath.

"WAIT!" I shout in utter exuberance. "LOOK! I'm an Angelfish!!!!"

PTG lunges at my throat.

The bets are back on.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on May 4, 17 9:16 AM
She has a very nice throat. It is neither too big nor too small
My hands fit round it quite snugly, especially if I give them a little squeeze.

Also, the gurgling sound that emerges from deep within her is very satisfying.

Unfortunately as I begin to really enjoy myself by getting rid of years of frustration at the multitudinous machinations of the female psyche I am struck quite severely on my head by the chair I so recently occupied.

I turn in amazement to face the new foe, who has so brazenly challenged me and find Grim squatting there, munching a large carrot and flexing her most un-lady like muscles.

She smiles and says: “We need our dear Jenny as she is our explosives expert. Without her as part of the team we cannot hope to vanquish the Castle’s evil enemy”.

While I debate this thesis my hands loosen and then am suddenly prostrated by a well-placed knee.

Once more I am on the floor looking upward at my female companions and I cannot be sure whether the technicolor outfits I see before me are real or a figment of my pounding head and nether regions.

I certainly have no desire to resume this particular conversation

186 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Doodlebug2 on May 4, 17 10:51 AM
I am forever amazed that any of you have enough brain cells left from storming the castle to concoct these strange ditties, but that said, I sure am enjoying your madness.

1,393 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by AuntieRoo on May 4, 17 12:14 PM
As I make a very discreet entrance into the room I'm almost tempted to backtrack out again & resume my conversation with the drunken skeleton in the tavern.Nice guy,not my type though,a bit too quiet for me.Come to think of it I don't think he actually said anything.Maybe that's why I had such a good time.
I am agog at the pandemonium that assaults my eyes....I see a prone PGT in an outfit that is reminiscent of something I saw on a wax model of Sir Francis Drake in Madame Tussauds.I resist the temptation to step on his purple cloak & ask if I can curl the Cap'ns hair & paint his nails a garish bright red.It'll be a nice surprise for him.

535 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by kkreisman on May 4, 17 12:28 PM
Oh, I love my new huggie jacket sooo much, and can hardly believe the famous Jenny Wren, demolition expert of the Famous Five and Fashionista Queen of MC bestowed her designing magnificence (or is that malificence?) on little ole Katie. How lucky can one slightly more than cracked loon be, to wear this sparkly, irridescent, blindingly luminescent House of Schpadoinkle creation, festooned with lobster bits and pieces in all the right places. She might have been intending to garnish me a bit more, but was loudly interrupted by the arrival of Cap'n PogoRandy's second-in-command, PTG, who quite rightly reminded Jen, Grim and Roo that they "have a mission to complete!" As AuntieRoo gently guides me through the door of Kaley's, I call "thank you" to Jen, and "farewell" to the bravest, although maybe more than a little insane, band of warriors in the Castle. Evil doesn't stand a chance!

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on May 5, 17 1:19 AM
Flat out on the floor of the Shop and doubled up with all kinds of pain and bumps coursing through my body, I think very strongly: “Broom, to me!”

I need it to prop myself up while I recover.

My mystical broom sweeps up to me, does a full circuit of my prone figure and then I sense it shaking its head (if a broom can have a head).

It is refusing to help!

A few baubles that Ms Wren has adorned me with fall off and the broom immediately attacks them and they disappear back into the HOS Repository.

It seems to be waiting for me to do something.

Jenny Wren has more adornments in her hands and approaches me to fill in the gaps on my costume.

My broom attacks her!!!

Screaming she drops the trinkets, which are immediately swept up and disappear.

My brilliant mind analyzes this event.

I shed some more of the ridiculous outfit that I was clothed in and sense a feeling of accord with my broom as these too are swept up.

Finally as I am only clothed in my bare huggy jacket , my broom snuggles up to me!
We are one again!

I can now stand up and begin to smoulder (if that is the correct term).

Roo once more is under the table as she considers it to be the safest place. Grim is hopping on top of it trying to unfurl the maps she holds.

Ms Wren had adopted a classic “kamae” posture since she is expecting some violence.

I vaguely recall my Cap’n shouting at us recently to cease these war games and he must be obeyed even though at present he seems to be "elsewhere"

So I turn my back on her and look at the map that Grim is hopping on.

“So, we are here and we want to be there>>>?<<<

Can you guide us there please?”

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 6, 17 11:51 PM

Furious is not a strong enough word to describe my feelings towards PTG right now.

Apoplectic? Seething? None of them will do. I have created a military masterpiece for our second in command, right down to the matching tinsel wrapped riding crop. And what does he do? Tears it all off until he is wearing nothing but a plain straitjacket and his undies.

Who could follow this man anywhere, let alone into a battle?

I massage my throat and recall the look in his eyes reserved only for the likes of Dexter. Then I remember that I like Dexter, so that's okay.

We turn our attention to his cunning plan. It involves going to a place we do not know to fight an unknown enemy.

"ONE MORE TIME!" It's Captain Randy all over again. "Who are they and where is there?"

"They are they and there is there!" PTG insists.

"WHO are THEY?!"

"THEY are the enemy! Murk! Medusa! Arabella!"

"Who we cannot kill," I patiently explain, "any more than we could kill Chris the assassin - as they are all major characters in this game and will instantly reappear the second they need anything."

"Also, some of us don't have the levels." Grim toes the ground sheepishly, as sheep often do that. "I'm only 16."

"And I'm 62!"

"Neither of you look it!"

"Hey!" Grim shouts at Salty, but I'm relieved.

"We have to fight them! That's the whole point!" PTG's stroppiness is ruffling his huggie. And his undies.

"We don't even know them!" Grim has reached her limit of patience. "We DO know of an enemy trying to subvert the MCverse! We know they are threatening the CEO. We know there are six of them. We know they have a hierarchy of coloured cloaks and the leader wears gold. We know they have spies and agents everywhere. And we KNOW where their headquarters is!"

PTG's stroppy ruffling is becoming quite immodest. We avert our eyes. "But that plot is stupid! I prefer Randy's plot!"

"Randy's lost the plot!" I rap on the carbonite. "If he ever knew what it was in the first place!"

"Only because you hit him with a hammer!"

"Oh please!" I pull the hammer from my huggie corset. "We gave him every chance in the world! Even YOU have to admit that!"

"What are you saying?" PTG looks at me shrewdly.

"I think it's time for a new second in command."


"Did you all just say 'gasp' out loud?"

Roo shrugs. "Seemed appropriate."

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 7, 17 12:36 AM

"YOU?" PTG laughs. "Are YOU challenging me?"

"No." I shake my head. "I'm nominating Grim."

All heads turn to a startled Bunny. "Me? I'm the lowest level of us all!"

"But you know this place in and out, can operate the machines in HQ, and know more about the inner workings of this place than any of us."

Grim is blushing.

"And the daring rescue of me from the blimp was the finest crafted plan any of us have ever read - I mean seen."

There are furtive looks being thrown about. I don't know where Roo and Fletcher got all those eyeballs, and do not ask.

"I am going with Grim to HQ." I announce. "There we will plan our next move to systematically take out all the coloured cloaks one by one until we unmask and defeat the Goldcloak."

"But first we have to find Cash and Wickerbat." Grim notes.

I can see she wants to get moving, so I catch Bell and make her spit out a stray eyeball. "No! No eyeballs!" I tuck her into my corset, and then face the group. We still don't know if Shelley is here.

"Alright, I'm following Grim. Any of you are welcome to join us. If not, I wish you the best of luck with your mission. Whenever you find out what it is."

"So, that's it?" Fletcher is mortified. "We have to choose?"

"No. I'm sure we'll meet up again. Our missions may cross from time to time. But until I have a better understanding of what I'll be facing in Atlantis, I can't go there. I mean literally. There's a great big honking lock stopping me! So we'll go do something else while I level up. You are welcome to join, otherwise good luck."

Grim feels awkward as we turn to leave. She asks me to stop feeling her.

"Splitter!" PTG shouts. "You're just making all of this up as you go along!"

"Yeah, pretty much." I agree. "But just remember, PTG, if we team up again and are ever being chased by zombies - I'm tripping you over first."

1,393 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by AuntieRoo on May 7, 17 3:42 AM
I look around stunned as Fletcher shrugs at me as if to say "What the heck happened"
I shrug back,we're good at meaningful shrugging.PTG slumps on the floor gob-smacked at Jen's outburst although he did almost commit murder,I'd go for the insanity plea myself if it went to court.
I hand him a cup of his favourite tea which isn't easy as his hands are still shaking.He's still mumbling about being in charge.Personally at the moment I would put him in charge of the gnomes let alone our supposed merry band.Gee I wish I had some of those happy pills right now.
"Fletcher get on that scooter & try to catch them up.Stop of at the tavern & pick up a few bottles of Aussie wine it might help to calm Jen down a bit.
As PTG finishes his tea I ask in my sweetest auntie voice that I normally reserve for kiddos with scraped knees & elbows,"Are you feeling better?"
" A little" Then I let him have it!
"Good you stupid,brainless idiot,the Cap'n left you in charge & what a mess you've made of it,what's he going to say when he returns to be captain of NOTHING.

1,393 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by AuntieRoo on May 7, 17 3:48 AM
You got 2 choices either you skulk away or you get off your **** & lead.
I really hope you know how to grovel because your sure going have to suck up to Jen.Don't think a few yards of material & baubles from Kayleys is going to get you out of this mess.So which way are you going to go Mr 2nd in command? And by the way, next time you hand me a shovel & say "dig" you'd better make sure your other hand is holding one for you".

PS: censored word begins with b.

Edited on 05/07/2017 at 4:00:27 AM PST

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 7, 17 9:03 PM

Grim boots up the HQ monitors. She must be angry.

"Did that hurt your foot?"

"A little." She mumbles, then turns on the computers.

"Ian!" I call "Where are Cash and Wickerbat?"

The main monitor flickers and focuses on two ferrets in a cage.

"My babies!" Grim cries. "Who has them?!"

We cannot see any movement outside the cage.

"Ian, what is this location?"

Subterranean laboratory. Under the Dark Tower.

"I can get us there." I pat Grim's shoulder. "But just the first area. We'll have to wing it from there. But I think I know of a side entrance we could use."

"What are they- WAIT!"

We watch as the majestic sweep of a blue cloak passes by the cage. The cage opens and a hand reaches in. It picks up Wickerbat. "OWCH!"

"Wickerbat!" Grim is helpless to watch as he is taken out of the cage.

"We are heading out!" I swing my hammer over my head. "This is not a drill!"

"No, it's a hammer."

"Do we need a drill?"

"They do come in handy."

"Okay! Lets find a drill!"

803 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by dandydog on May 8, 17 5:31 AM
Putt=Putt=Poof=Putt=Putt=Poof.....Hey there Salty, here's your lunch order of one, Bing's specially made "Pastrami, Mustard on Rye" Sandwich with Dill Pickle on the side just like you like it .......Thank ya kindly Ms Fletcher, but I just gotta inquire why in the world is there an extra....."Poof" your itty-bitty Putt=Putt Scooter? .....Oh dear Me Salty....I was sure hoping no one would notice that extra "Poof".... ....You remember Salty how.... Shusssh..... ...Captain Randy before His, "Hit-on-Noggin" an "Fix His Poor Knees" surgery was gonna make it into a, "Super Duper Scooter?" ....... Well, bless "Her little Tail Wagging Heart," DandyDog has been trying Her level best to finish where the Captain left off without much success I'm afraid.......Sigh.......Sure miss that Cranky slightly Insane Ol' Captain Randy Ms Fletcher, I surely do! ...... We All do Salty, we all do......Well I'd better be a Scooting along now Salty, more delivery's to make you know........ ....... Just wish those sweet Young'uns weren't still blocking the Bridge with Their car and such...........

Edited on 05/08/2017 at 2:07:24 PM PST

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on May 8, 17 7:37 AM
As I watch Ms Wren and Grim disappear I once more reflect on the fact that life used to be SOOOO simple before I was cajoled into accepting the role of Team Leader in the absence of Cap’n Bob.

I may not have done things in the most appropriate or sympathetic way but my patience does have limits.

Our mission was and still is to help Cap’n Hop-a-Long but comatose Randy with his ultimate quest of ridding the Castle of the evil forces that have festered: in the forms of Murk and Arabella with some unknown (as yet) elements.

This evil had also spread far beyond the Castle precincts into the neighboring lands and he has told me that we are not the only seekers in the re-establishing peace and harmony in this world.

With his experience and leadership he had begun to prevail until recently but has been struck down by all too human frailties.

In her youthful exuberance Ms Wren has gone off gallivanting to do battle with those “as yet unknown elements” with the inexperienced but very talented Grim by her side.

Using contemporary jargon: “she has lost the plot!”

Roo has reminded me of Cap’n Bo’s wrath when he finds out about the disintegration of our little group into several ‘sub-sets’ (to coin a phrase).

She blames me!!

But I feel she is wrong in advising me to go after that Aussie female whippet, who is about to sniff out even more trouble. It is probably better for me to wait until she is safely incarcerated. The only problem with this course of action is Grim. She is still on the CEOs Sunday lunch menu as the main course!

I know the Cap’n is at present bereft of physical motion, but surely his mind is as sharp (if that is the correct term) as ever?

I need to get in touch with it.

I have a Cunning Plan!

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 8, 17 9:49 PM

"I've got-"

"Don't say a cunning plan!" I cut Grim off. "If I hear those words one more time-"

"A drill."

"Oh, sorry. I've got the dynamite. No! Anabel, we don't chew dynamite!" Hoppy was a natural with munitions, Bell just wants to bat them around. But she will learn. I hope.

"So what do we know?" Grim packs her backpack with techno-thingamy-jigs.

I chew thoughtfully on the dynamite. "Okay. Six cloaks. Gold, black, red, blue, green and purple. Gold is the leader. I think Black is second in command. He oversees all operations on the ground. Purple is the doctor. His task is to keep the denizens medicated and the asylum full, for revenue and complacency. Red is the interrogator." We both shiver at the memory of our encounter with him. "He has a penchant for torture. We do NOT want to be captured by him."

"Say that again!"

"What, all of it?"

"Never mind."

"Okay, so that leaves Blue and Green. Blue appears to have a lab. He may have been responsible for the one we blew up. With all the mechanical replicas." I mourn the little critters quietly. "We have no idea about Green."

"Where is this secret entrance?"

"The Sepulchre. It's the HOS on the right. It goes deep and there's a stone path over the water at the bottom left. It must lead somewhere."

As I'm pointing at the monitor showing the Dark Tower. A guard walks past the HOS we need to get to.

"Oh craponacracker!"

As the guard turns we can see the fresh young face and golden dreadlocks we know so well.

"Tarquin!" We both cry.

"Well this changes everything." I smile

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on May 8, 17 10:13 PM

To trick or attack, that is the question. I think that's a Hamlet quote. Or am I getting it confused with 'Knock, knock, who's there?'

"Can you see if he has a new watch?"

Grim peers closely at Tarquin. "No, he must have been demoted."

"I'd feel guilty attacking him after all we've put him through. We need a diversion."

"He won't fall for racquet ball again." Grim frowns. "What about Hilo?"

"A charity fun run?"

"For what? Orphans?"

"No, anyone would do a charity fun run for orphans. Tarquin's a PC hipster. He'd only do it for transgender orphans."

"We could find one and dress him up?"

"As fabulous as he'd look in a House of Schpadoinkle original, I think the orpans have been through enough. No. PC hipsters have to be on the cutting edge of charity. We need some bizarre endangered species that no one has ever heard of, so Tarquin can lecture everyone about the fact they've never heard of it."

Grim taps on her rectangular picture phone. "Aspidoscelis uniparens."

"What's that?"

"It's a desert grassland whiptail lizard."

"Well I have no idea what that is, so we're halfway there. What's PC about it?"

Grim is grinning from ear to ear. "They're all female. And while they are endangered, they DO successfully mate and reproduce."

"Leapin' Lezzie Lizards! We have a winner!"

Quick as a flash from a drunken hobo, Grim has posted the first annual MC Fun Run for endangered species.

We watch Tarquin check his matching rectangular picture phone. "Does everyone have one of those?"

"These days, yes."

"I think I want one too."

Tarquin taps the pretty little pictures.

"What's he doing?"


"In public?! That's just wrong!"


We watch Tarquin throw off his armour, revealing his stretch lycra jogging ensemble. "eewwww!" and limber up. "EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"

And he's off.

"We have a go! This is not a drill!"

"No, that's dynamite. And stop chewing it!"

1,393 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by AuntieRoo on May 10, 17 4:16 PM
Well I have to say my master plan worked out brilliantly.The Cap'ns sealed up in some contraption that reminds me of something I saw in a B movie 30 years ago.I convinced Shelley her name is really Donna & she has to look after him for awhile,Jen & Grim have gone off on an undetermined mission & PTG isn't talking to me or ordering me about which is a bonus.Fletcher hasn't returned with the wine so I expect by now most of it is gone & she's propping up a tree somewhere.
So last I have the place to myself & I can work on my new plans.When those kiddos leave in a few days I'm going to haul that dragon from the Mirror Lake & when they start that jalopy to leave town he's going to rise up from the moat & scare the pants off them
I'll stand on the Captains Bridge & shove all the gnomes into the cargo hold along with the fire flowers,Iris's & Snowdrops just to see which one is Sneezy.
Finally I'll drag Gretal down to the Cloud City prison & stuff her full of chocolate & jelly candies until her waist is 30 inches,that'll stop her trying to get into those skinny dresses.

Edited on 05/10/2017 at 4:44:55 PM PST

252 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Grimwald on May 10, 17 5:10 PM
"Take this!" I hand Jenifer the last of the spare cell phones. "At Tarquin's pace, we've probably got 8 minutes, tops. Shall we?"

Jenifer salutes with her dynamite and disappears.


I wait, thinking that she has just bopped off ahead of me and will be right back. But one minute stretches into two and then five.

Growling, I spin back to my keyboards and pull up first one and then more of my tracking applications. That cell phone newly in her possession shows as still within the MC world, but off the charts.

It very much looks like Jenifer has just been kidnapped.

Edited on 05/11/2017 at 11:22:52 AM PST

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