Ready for the special room

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 7, 17 7:36 PM

I awake to a strange squawk, wet and dishevelled.

My ammunition has scattered. A drunken lunatic has fallen on top of my last scorpion. His flatulence is frankly alarming - probably due to the missing leather on the seat of his chaps, but I roll him for pink pills. I find feathers, dust bunnies, empty potion vials, a half chewed spell book and several pieces of Poppet. I cry - no pills.

Then I realise we're not in the belfry.

My position has been compromised. It has turned into the interior of a paddy wagon! I knew things changed around the Castle, but this is certainly extreme. Two official looking guards are in the front seat. I don't recall being sent on quests by these two people! They must be impostors!

There must be something left in my ammunition bag. Ahhh, of course, the most devastating weapon is snoozing at the bottom.

I pull out my last slingshot, hidden securely in my official siege knickers. I load my ammunition and let fly!

The squirrel lands smack in the back of the driver's head. The wagon careens off the bridge and onto the ice. Skaters scream and flee. But my weapon is not done yet. He jumps from one guard's face to another, all over the dashboard then down to the floor and up the left trouser leg of the driver.

In the commotion I wrench open the back doors. Freedom!

There is honour in war, so I grab Randy by the leg and fling him out onto the ice. He skittles several skaters. I probably should have turned him over - those bottomless chaps will cause some serious freezer burn!

As the wagon twirls towards the Castle vicinity I tuck and roll, landing at the foot of some screaming children.

They calm down and offer to sell me stuff.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 8, 17 12:57 AM
I stare morosely out of what used to be my window onto the Castle moat where the young skaters are playing and frolicking.

So much has happened to me in the past few days and all of it has been bad.

I was a happy doped up citizen of the MC with only few transgressions to my name until this week.

Now I am on the Guards black list (through NO fault of my own).

My cell mates think I am in league with that notorious devil Cap’n Randy or whatever his title is at the moment.

My room is in ruins, literally, as one wall has almost vanished.

And a pig-headed FEMALE has entered the fray and has caused havoc to all and sundry with her attitude and tuneless warbling.

But at long last they have been banished to the outer reaches of the Castle complex.

I stare out at the skaters who are all suddenly scattered like skittles as one large hairy croc clad hobo plows into them with limbs akimbo, closely followed by a spinning paddy wagon with its doors open.

A Guard erupts from the front and pulls his trousers down. A squirrel escapes but not before giving him a last nip for his pains!


I then see a young woman looking up at me; grin and wave with her scarf before disappearing back inside the Gates, tickling the Gate Guards as she passes by.

Nemesis has returned!

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 8, 17 4:20 AM

My fort is almost complete.

With only two HOSses to search, I have a meagre collection of items with which to forge my refuge. A garter, a birds nest, a ribbon and an offensively named willow branch with misogynistic overtones.

But it will have to do!

I create my fort in the very last place anyone would ever think to look! In the very first place everyone looks on a daily basis! It's almost too smart!

Only problem is there appear to be a lot of people "doing the rounds". I am constantly swamped with random strangers starting their day rummaging through MY FORT!

"It's the Crypt!", they cry. "You can't build a fort here!"

I lull them into a false sense of security with a harmonica rendition of "Mandy"


But this will NOT do! They keep coming.

I scurry out of my makeshift haven, glance at a prostrate Randy on the ice, mug the children (I need wands!) and pelt back towards the castle.

A lone lunatic watches from an alfresco inspired padded room.

The Bohort is my only chance of redemption.

I'm going to need more slingshots.

I eat my apple and prepare for another dawn.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 8, 17 5:54 AM
That woman is as mad as the rest of us, if not madder.

She thinks that Sir Bors the Younger is coming to rescue her! (Not the Elder as he is dead!).

And so by building a two-penny shack out of twigs and ribbons in the Crypt of all places, it will impress him. Does she not know that he was resident in Camelot, the biggest and best of the Castles in the world (which makes the MC look like a chalet?).

She must be a bit weak on history as well as in the head!

Here there are just the tourists poking around the Crypt’s contents for a few minutes before moving on to the next “exciting” tourist attraction: a broken down carriage.

They will “borrow” half her furnishings the moment her back is turned.

However, I have a “cunning plan”!

That idjit on the ice downstairs with his rear end steaming gently on the ice can be suitably dressed to fool her. All we need are the props (sorry avatars) in my closet and he should be able to get within grabbing distance before she realizes that it is not her savior but the alliance of the insane Nightingale Ward.

And that is where she will be deposited.

I have already told the guards that she is a very slippery customer so they have something special to greet her with!

Now where is Cap'n Bob (sorry Randy)

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 8, 17 7:56 AM

As I scurry beneath the doctrinarian screaming of my fellow inmate I hold steadfast to the knowledge that The Bohort is a more informal competition involving lances, archery, poetry and the occasional wedding.

I am still unsure as to which activity will be my main focus.

I have grave concerns that the steaming idgit may be involved in the latter - so I will focus on the poetry.

I just need a place to find my inspiration.

Or just more weapons.

Or frogs,

The important thing is I still have my harmonica.

2,821 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 8, 17 1:37 PM
I whirl around da ice like a childs top ,,, eyes flying around in me head like a slot machine, I feel things bouching off me head ,my footies, me arms WTH, OMG I is goin upchuck,,, come to a whirling stop and see a cloud of steam?? head still spining I hear children laughing ? at me? oh awwwwwwww dat feels so good on me hot buttocks,, wait wait I is sinkin now dat what you call hot stuff and teach me to make just chaps and not full leather britches shheeeeesh.
rot rouh I stuck to da ice,,, man Jenifer ya goin pay fer dis,,, when I can unglue meself that is,,, toofies start to clatter and da shakes set in holy craponacracker it COLDDDDDD
I turn me head just as I see Jenifer standing up brushing down da hem of her dress, rearange her tosseled hair wave to the kids and poof gone, I yell hold on da one cotton pickin minute LADY ya forgots sumthin??? like MOI.......I lunge to grab her arm and grab air,, man she be fast,, okay thunk Cap how does I get out of this mess when I hear a tiny voice, he mister wanta trade?? I got , tree trimmings, balls, candy canes *YUMMMMMY* Santa Hats, I look at the kid in a bright read coat and say now do I look like I wanta trade?
he skates off in a huff, ok ok cap thunk....... then I start to laugh as I see da gaurds runing like crazy away from the crashed paddy wagon one stripping of his trousers to dislodge a mad squirrel must be Jenifers doing but it is funny,,,ok ok looks at leather belt that is left on me waist , now what good is dis to me, not long enough to reach da Broken Carriage, and Santas Sleigh gone,, HEY KID cmere,,, he skates back over wants trade mister?
Sure kid iffin you gota a saw, a mining pick, a corkscrew,a hachet, a drill anythin to cut a hole in dis ice befer I frezze to death and join dem de fish bones under da water der....WAIT where PTG???????? HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 8, 17 2:34 PM
Although it pains me to accept the fact that I cannot subdue that tarted up hussy myself, I cringe at the thought of forming a liaison with that roughneck from the boondocks Cap’n Randy of Cell 1, MC, La-la land.

So I have to rescue him before he becomes an ice sculpture within the ice rink.

One of the kids has begun skating in circles round him and I can hear the ice beginning to crack.

But he won’t float, he will sink and a watery grave is far too good for him for all the grief and damage he has caused both to me and to the Castle. Well at least until we have solved that female problem that is.

He has already begun ranting and raving for tools to extract his frozen hide from the ice, so with great reluctance I go down using bed sheets to abseil down from my room onto the outside wall and help him off the ice.

The watching skaters cheer (or is it jeer?) as I cover his modesty with a huggie jacket and I ignore the hammering of his top set of gnashers on the lower set.

We have to make a plan; my cunning idea was not so cunning after all. We must develop a diabolical web of deceit if we are to catch and subdue that woman.

The usual quotation in this situation is that “two heads are better than one” – but in this case I very much doubt it, even if mine is still throbbing and his seems to be concentrated on his nether regions.

As she disappeared into the castle I caught the glint of a harmonica in her hand.

Perhaps we could work on that topic and use music to quell her. After all she is fond of the tuneless stuff and I have some nice tapes in my room to play for relaxation.
They are in fact called Relaxation Music and can send you off to bye-byes within minutes


1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 8, 17 8:09 PM

I scale the wall back to the belfry. This is a better place for a fort.

From my vantage point I can see the ice skaters still struggling to get up.

But lo! What do I spy? PTG appears to be fashioning some apparel out of a white sheet.

It IS a wedding!!! Oh, those two crazy kids! I knew they'd make it work!

A poem is in order…

On the thwibble
I do nibble
With some dribble
As I scribble

PTG and Randy
Who's legs look pretty bandy
My harmonica is handy
The 'wedding march' is "Mandy"

The groom is quite a clown
Lets hope he doesn't drown
But the bride should go to town
To get a better gown

The wedding will be humble
Or a chaotic jumble
The venue may well crumble
Due to that dynamite fumble

Oh the fribble
We all nibble
And we dribble
Like a gribble

This will be my gift to those two certifiable lovebirds!

Or maybe that cool old fashioned bomb in the Castle Armory.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 9, 17 1:17 AM
My associate is useless. All he can think about is his pulsating rear end and what he is going to do when he catches up with the nymph.

So it is back to the Book of Evil. There was nothing wrong with the potion I made but inadvertently delivered to the wrong guy. So try again.

Moving through the Castle gates and giving the guards a VERY wide berth before they realized it was us, a lizard scuttled by muttering that the belfry will never been the same again.

It had become the nesting place of a large android or some such animal.

So she had taken up residence there again.

A quick chat to Santa proved fruitless. Since I bent his sleigh’s runner the last time I hired it, the insurance proved to be too exorbitant (more airship items than I had in my inventory).

Perhaps I could magic a spell to enlarge the airplane that flies around the lighthouse, if it will come to me?

At this moment my “partner in crime” deigns to speak to me, but I cannot understand him at first


The “penny drops”. A brilliant idea: a full frontal attack with all guns blazing and invoking GERONIMO (or at least his spirit).

Randy - as I will now address him as he is my partner (for the moment), catches a sheet of paper floating down from the Belfry and reads it.

I have rarely seen a face change color so many times in my long life in such a short time and ending up pure purple. He tries to speak but fails, muttering incoherent oaths as he passes me the paper.

While I read he frantically starts to hone his Bowie knife. I can see that all is not well.

Written on it is a simple ditty and signed beautifully. At first the contents make no sense to me (as I am pure in thought word and deed).

Then I too start to hone the drumsticks I borrowed from the Fabric Shop.

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 9, 17 3:34 AM

The bride and groom have accepted my poem.

They gaze up at me with faces purple with gratitude.

They appear to already have knives, so that is not necessary for the registry.

I have lost a lizard.

I hunker down within my massive bell-shaped fort and await another dawn.

Ooooh! I should probably get a dress!

2,821 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 9, 17 12:03 PM
I throw the paper down and stomp on it and my mind explodes BOOOOOOOOOOOM making dat bomb wiff da dead pirate look like a firecracker,,,... I am flaming hot now making what lill ice thingies hanging on what was left of me britches drop like fly's so hot I no longer feel da pain in me rump roast at the otter end of moi.
Craponacracker iffin I kin only stop me toofies from clancking together I could speak as I watch PTG pick up and read d a paper and watch her face go a rainbow of colours, I shake my head yes yes yes the boheiminie had dar nerve to write and air mail to me,, I hear da wicked one say a dress A DRESS you you you *** carefull der Cap she is still a lady **** ya right me head shouts she be deminted I tell ya off her cotton pickin rocker,,I will make her a dress oh ya betcha I will ,, signals to PTG look here as I grab my broken Sai and draw a dress in da snow *AN IRON MADIEN *** wiff chains flowing like water making it look like an ocupussy I do not have to walk cause me shaking so bad me body moves by it;s self, PYG try;s her best to cover me poor raw inflamed swollen backside, to cold to be mubble mubble mubble head bobs to da Tavern trying to get PTG to understand sign lingo is no easy task but I thunk she be catching on
You trying to tell me you piece of raw meat that you want me to take you to Salty's??? head bobs like mad YES YES YES der be me honey rum der and Salty will heat it nice and warm for us den I kin thaw out the we can plan our attack on that nut case up der eyes fly up to da Belfry,,,eyes plead PLEASE understand me woman and get me to Salty's like yesterday....................PTG grabs a pair of skates from one of the kids and trys to put dem on me,,, you gone and lost it woman you really want me to put dem on???a wicked grin comes over PTGs face rot rouh I in BIG twouble,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Edited on 01/09/2017 at 12:07:05 PM PST

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 9, 17 1:11 PM
Since all that half-baked assistant Cap’n Bob can do at the moment is to mumble and point towards the Castle, I offer him a cough sweet.

No! That does not go down at all well.

That large lump of human **** Neanderthalis (certainly not **** erectus!) wanted alcohol!

I’ll give him alcohol, I thought, and managed to get one skate, purchased at enormous expense in diamonds, on his plate of meat.

I then pointed him in the direction of the Castle Vicinity, twirled him, and shoved as hard as I could.

One spinning jet propelled Randy did a curve ball through the Castle entrance, turned left and into the Tavern where he ended up quite neatly on a bar stool in front of a very sympathetic Salty.

“Is it tea you’d be wantin then?” Salty inquired and then gasped when my fine associate exposed his rear end to the crowd gathered in the Tavern.

Even Frosty was beginning to look interested in the amount of meat exposed and HE was Randy‘s pet!

All Randy could croak after the first ten tots of rum went down (sorry no honey as the bar was out of it) was “Bring me my bow of burning gold; bring me my arrows of desire”. He was seriously demented!

In the meantime I need another cunning plan and as History always repeats itself I repaired off to the Library to the Book of Knowledge.

I read through eternal wisdom in the shape of the Art of War and found such bon mots as: Study the five factors of warfare: Way, Heaven, Ground, General, and Law. Calculate your strength in each and compare them to your enemy's strengths.


I went back down to the moat and slid over the ice, having calmed down a bit. As I returned I visited all the nearby rooms and having hid all the bombs that Randy could get his hands on.

I joined him in the bar, entwined in my large white sheet for warmth.

My first words to him were that we MUST not blow up the Belfry. MC would expel us and removing that female intrusion to never never land was just not worth it.

This caused him to sulk, firstly because I had not asked him about his health, and secondly because that had been his plan

2,821 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by eastendteddy on Jan 9, 17 2:11 PM
As I land hard on da bar stool and stop me head from spinnin * not even feelin da pain thats was raceing through me red and raw back side* grab and toss back as many tooties as Saltys can throw at me before I sputter ,, WHAT in tarnations is dis ye be givin me Salty;s ???? dis nar be Me Special Honey Rum , I am goin tar and feather ya and hang yer hide from da Belfry and ye kin keep that catwaller company,,,WHERES ME HONEY RUM YOU SEA RAT???
WHAT ya saying woman?? I CAN NOT blow up dat dagblasted Belfry and that crazy like a fox lunitc look what she did,, I tendering raise me bottom off da stool, when I feel a cold blast of air on me burning flesh,,,,, awwwwwwwwwwwww thank ya Frost no iffin ya kin gets some sauve from da Potion Shop *stop mid way * and say and oh NO way are you touching da rump roast der PTG you would way to much fun ,,,,, wait a cotton pickin minute all dis be yer fault PTG shame on you ,, iffin I did not attempt to rescue you from da looney bin ok ok ok your not totally to blame SHE did this now her hide be mine ,,, A warm glow spreads through me frezzin bones and head starts to clear,, I kin thunk whew
okay gots an idear , I will get Frost to fly me to see da Blacksmith and iffin I kin gets hime wake up he kin fix me broken Sai, and take the hook and tie da rope and make pully so we kin scale da belfry wall,,oh oh we kin grab da Pipes from the OGP and da EEL hehehehe now that will shock her silly so I kin ball and chain her to da wall , hope da Blacksmith kin make me dat Iron Madien Dress fer me ,,, lets she her gets out of dat,,,,
PTG watch out flying Frogs and lizzards DUCKKKKKKKKKKK

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 9, 17 10:09 PM

Through my binoculars I can see there appears to be an engagement party going on at the Tavern.

Why wasn't I invited? Oh no! The wedding is on and I still haven't got an outfit!

I have no choice but to do all the rounds I can to fashion something worthy of the occasion - and some gifts. However I haven't found any bombs or dynamite yet, which is strange…

Ribbons, bows, bells and feathers are in abundance, but the only considerable cloth I can find in my limited access is a towel and a bandage. It'll have to do. I wrap the bandage around my torso tube-top style and adorn it with six bells, the towel held together with clothespins makes a handy skirt and the ribbons and feathers really set it off. The half mask is a bit too fancy, so I go with an eye patch instead. I finally found the matching shoe in the Mirror Nave and they went perfectly with my gloves. Thankfully the flying boat had another crab, but after the incident at the jousting I decide it would be far more practical to wear it as a hat.

But still no bombs! If I buy a present from the kids outside the tavern they'll know it was last minute. So I race back to the Scroll Storage, grab the gift box and do five more HOSsesses. Perfect.

The groom appears to be already drunk, but the baboon's bottom trousers look quite spiffy.

As is tradition I shower the happy couple with lizards and frogs before placing my gift on the table. They don't even have time to open it as it wriggles and jiggles and out pop half a dozen tarantulas.

"Surprise!" I cry with glee, then whip out my lyre. Their looks of horror are all the encouragement I need.

"OOOOOOnnn the thribble I do nibble-"

Then for some strange reason everything went horribly wrong…

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 9, 17 11:23 PM
He never changes!

My associate is ranting and raving at his pets to give him rusty chests so that he can get them melted down for his iron thingamabob. He has a one-track mind spurred on by his throbbing nether regions.

He doesn’t know the meaning of the words “subterfuge or subtlety”


I wander round the rooms and soon notice that many items have disappeared.
It appears as if she is putting together a special wardrobe for some festival or other

I also notice that I am being followed, either by a small lizard or a very ugly frog.

It dawns on me that the cunning vixen is using them as spies to try and find out what I intend.

She never realized that my Holiday Wand, as well as zapping snow globes, can also fry small reptiles.

He! He! I love frog’s legs with a bit of tomato ketchup!

Well two can play at that game!

I send my black, silent Grim Eagle Owl up into the rafters of the belfry to warn me of any impending action. One hoot means all is OK, two hoots means get ready for action.

Another Cunning Plan springs to mind.

Even if I say so myself: Cooooo! I am clever!

I have a nice collection of energy balls so I use them on the Frozen Treasure room and collect a large number of fans. I still have a vast quantity of Gummy Eyeballs left over from the Fall event and I then carefully attach these to the fans. I now have a large supply of VERY useful missiles.

All I need is to tempt the enemy into the line of sight and fling the fans one after the other. She will soon be rendered immobile with the glue.

Then my associate can enter the fray and have his wicked way with her.

My only problem is to get her to appear???????

Ah! Problem solved.

She has fallen for the idea that my hulk of an associate is wedding me!

She wants to be my maid of honor and is dressed for the occasion. If you can call the frightful concoction she has assembled an outfit

So be it, but not in the way she intends!

And to the traditional tune played on the pipe and pipes (the Developers never could get the hang of this difference!) she emerges...........

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 10, 17 12:05 AM

A Grim owl that looks suspiciously like one of my pets, except he's not adorned with tinsel, perches on the belfry window eating what appears to be a cooked frog.

We stare at each other accusingly.

Something is afoot. Other things are arms, pencils, light globes and toupees.

As I approach the window the owl bobs it's head twice. The 'tell'! This is definitely a foot! My binoculars tell me the bride is no longer in the tavern, And I thought I was already there! Another psychotic episode. At least this time I'm not stuck holding a chicken.

It is time to unleash my favourite pets. And both of them are cats. My Winter cat has just eaten, but my trusty black cat is very hungry. He eyes the impostor owl hungrily before pouncing. The owl panics and flies away.

I rush to the window and peer down. The bride is at the castle gates.

"Fans!" I cry, "I forgot to add fans!"

I pick up my lyre in preparation to serenade her down the aisle when THWACK! I am hit square in the face with a blue, slimy, sticky object.

"Everyone's a critic" I sigh as two more impact my bandage tube top. "My bells!"

More and more squishy gooey eyeballs pelt my 'House of Schpadoinkle' couture outfit. I'm sticky and my lyre won't play anymore.

I slump to the floor in a gummy depression.

I need happy pills.

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 10, 17 4:00 AM

Success at last

I repair to the Tavern bar where I am inundated with congratulations (of the alcoholic kind) by my fellow inmates who can all now remove their ear muffs so recently snatched from the Ice Skater

I turn to my "associate" intending to dissolve our partnership since he had spent all this time persuading the Blacksmith to construct a large iron coffin for my errant foe but done little else in the battle

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 10, 17 9:07 PM
As I sit in my gooey defeat a whhoooooshing sound takes my attention. I cannot turn my head at present, so I can do nothing but wait as a large figure looms over me.

"This is the end!" I cannot say, as my jaw is stuck shut. So it just sort of comes out as "Shishishshend".

My goopy eyes try to focus on the large white object before me.

"FFOFFTY!" I cry. Randy's pet snowman has appeared. I attempt to wince as he reaches down and swoops me up into a freezing bear hug. I hear several cracking sounds. Is he going to crush me? After a minute he sets me gently down. I am standing, no broken bones, but I still cannot move. My sticky covering has set to a rock hard coating! I'm aghast at the thought of spending the rest of my life as one of the neglected, damaged (and in some cases clinically depressed) statues strewn about the Kingdom.

Then Frosty picks up the hammer and comes at me.


He smacks me over the head and my icy gooey eyeball shell cracks like an egg.

I take a moment to wonder how it must have felt for a pet to gather items, hatch an egg and craft a lunatic, but that is quickly replaced with joy and gratitude. I hug my saviour. He licks my face. Ours is a secret love.

"Thankyou Frosty!" I can talk again! I can sing again! "But why?"

He hands me a note. They appear to be blueprints. Given that they are drawn in crayon and covered in rum, I assume they belong to Randy. I'm not sure if I have to decipher the notes in the margins - they could be a code… Need more dem pink pills!... Dat Gargoyle stole my britches!... Note to self, your shoes are in da toaster…

All perfectly logical, but unrelated to the blacksmith… Then it becomes clear…

"He wants to put me in a WHAT???!!!!"

Frosty just sighs and nods.

I need to escape. I need to regroup. I need more dem pink pills too! Frosty tosses me a couple. "Thanks!" I hug him goodbye and tell him to get back to Randy before he becomes suspicious.

I flee to the town and into the chapel. The Confessional is warm and cozy. Plus there's cake! This is the perfect place to plan my next move.

Edited on 03/26/2017 at 4:33:12 AM PST

4,895 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by playingthegame on Jan 10, 17 11:52 PM
Grim, my black feathered owl spy, flew onto my shoulder and hooted.
Being good at translating owl language I quickly discovered that my incarcerated nymph was now free and "holed up" in the Confessional.
I exploded !!!!!!!*************
"IT did what???????"
Apoplectic I reached for one of the Gate Guard's axes and hurled myself in Randy's direction.
There he was still sitting on a bar stool at ease enjoying his favorite pastime.
When he saw me speeding towards him, I could hear his knees knocking together as he thought his last hour has come. Which was not very nice as he still regarded me as his associate.
I asked in a very quiet voice (which is not usually my style of enraged dialogue): "Where is your pet?"
As Randy realized that the very sharp end of my borrowed axe was not about to descend on him, he very politely asked my reason for asking.
"Your amorous pet has freed my prisoner!!", I yelled
I wanted retribution of the permanent kind: preferably in the form of a stuffed and mounted head on my cell wall.
Salty, having decided that his bar would not now be awash in blood, offered me a cup of tea.
Still enraged, I stormed out of the Tavern, but not before first taking a swipe at that smirking costume clown Santa with my axe handle.
I now needed another "cunning plan"!

1,038 Posts

Re:Ready for the special room

[Post New]by Jenifer_Rule on Jan 11, 17 5:53 AM

I have no idea of what is going on in the castle. Though I assume Randy is still drunk and bare-bottomed.

I am safe in my confessional nook. However I am thankful for the extra pink pills tossed my way as the manic depressive statue outside the chapel seems bereft of hope. She'll probably want me to fix her mental state at some point, but, as I was just asked to craft "The Creation of the World", her problems are taking a back seat. I mean seriously, who asks you to craft that?!

I need an ally. Someone out there must be perusing the nonsensical rantings of a bunch of lunatics and thinking "Hey! I know which side I'm on!... Plus I went insane playing this game YEARS ago!"

I have no instruments but a couple of festive Christmas bells, yet I use my greatest weapon... My caterwauling...

My Christmas bells do jingle,
With candy canes they mingle
The season makes me tingle
Hey! This could be a single!

As I eat my cake,
I think of those on the lake
Who scream and shake and quake
At the sight of Randy's snake

Exposed upon his nether
Undisclosed by leather
As 'Playing' ropes a tether
While I look for a feather

His bottom is a sight
Skaters do take flight
I feel for 'Playing's plight
To face that awful blight

But to have a friend
To see you to the end
On whom you can depend
Times good and bad to spend

I am all alone
My plans have all been blown
I deserve the throne!
Plus I'd love a scone

We'll nibble on the kibble
And dribble while we scribble
But never ever quibble
Over which of us is Sybil

The chapel walls echo with my emphatic plea for global domination. After all, isn't that what we all want?

I should do the rounds for more ammunition just in case...

Go to: