Posts created by shakeandcry

 posted in Riddles of Fate: Into Oblivion Collector's Edition on Mar 6, 14 4:36 AM
Yes, this title was pretty perfect for those which must not be named. By BFG. So, let's call this dev the ones who wish to be unforgettable.

At least they did. Now, within a series brand, even they don't remember the last game scraped to the curb.

The past few games are so...awful.

The crash and burn, so far and so fast, was hard to watch. My secondhand embarrassment was overwhelming, and it just kept on coming, until I was pulled around so much, I flipped into being angry at them for not even trying.

Can anyone actually believe Lord of Statues and Wild Hunt were even CONCEPTS from the same company?

When it feels like you're serving time, forcing yourself to play, trying to bully all that you are into liking it--whoa, it's way past time to give up.

Tookat, I don't know you well enough to squish you in a welcome back hug, fin bump?
 posted in Order of the Light: The Deathly Artisan on Feb 17, 14 12:18 PM
Another 'present' for the bugged list of %everthingever
 posted in Found: A Hidden Object Adventure - Free to Play on Dec 19, 12 12:03 PM
Well, I thought they'd just delete the truth.

Instead they're grabbed it and stuffed the whole thread under some coral out back.

To keep things 'tidy'.

Yes, we all know what cleansing means.

 posted in Found: A Hidden Object Adventure - Free to Play on Dec 19, 12 11:46 AM
(and now, the continuation...)

Do you get it now? All these games use the same tactics, and yet my inlaws keep getting bitten. They keep going on and on about getting a fin chewed off--AGAIN. And it takes all of my self-control not to just lose it and dive at them, screaming, and outright filet them myself.

Because, of course, I told them. I warned them over and over, and when they finally start squinting around them and say, 'Huh, does the water look a little red to you?'

I shriek at them, "That's YOUR BLOOD! It's not festive food dye!"

But it's useless. Some fish...they're just desperate to be in sharks digestive tract. They're convinced they're smarter, they're special, and they KNOW what they're doing.

Nothing can save them.

And this is how the sharks grow fat.

I know, I know it's worthless to say it. And I know some mod will probably nuke this post in .0003 nanoseconds. But really pains me, seeing it play out here. It's just...sickening.

Guys, please, I know many of us have crippling health problems and a very limited budget. And that makes it worse.

So PLEASE, swim away! Be safer, be smarter, be better than my inlaws.

If I have to be harsh for you to get it:

Stop rubbing yourself in lemons and jumping into the $@%&*(! frying pan!
 posted in Found: A Hidden Object Adventure - Free to Play on Dec 19, 12 11:44 AM
Aw, crap...

Guys, uh Guys...?

(I'm like Dory with her conscience; I just get let anyone get eaten by these sharks.)

These sharks are NOT vegan. Don't buy--literally--into the lies.

The way all these scum sucking games work is the same. They know you might have the brains to not just happily swim off with a creepy stranger in the dark who is fond of a really REALLY big knife, but offers you candy.

What the games do is design the game to give you a crapload of everything when you start. Think of it like this. Elephant does the demo, pulling out the best at everything they're good at.

And you decide...Hey! Everyone told me this was crap! But this is awesome. Check out that puzzle! And did you SEE that reef out back? I've got lots of hints, the walkthrough is AMAZING. All those people who warned me this was a trap...bah, they just didn't understand. I know how to do this. I won't fall into spending any money. And I don't need to! Looks at all this! Just in the first hour!

And you ignore your creep-o-metre.

And then you're shark food.


All the games start out by lavishing you with attention. And whether its gems or coins or clams or whatever crap they want to call them--they make sure to throw them at you for everything. So when when your parents ask if you're okay with staying here, you can't scream YES fast enough. Doesn't matter what you heard before about the school, the headmaster, or the other kids. It's going to be different for YOU.

You're special!

And the second your parents leave, you get a beatdown that Jackie Chan would cringe to watch.

Or, to go back to our gaming reference: Elephant games does the demo, HdO does the game.

When they're convinced they've got you hooked--that you not only are invested in the game, but you're smug and certain YOU can do this for free, that's when they start taking things away. The 'currency' gets hard and harder and harder to earn, but you got constant reminders of how easy it is to buy, and look at the great deal it is! You want to keep playing don't you? You want hints and graphics back? You can have a WHOLE PAGE of the walkthrough--actually it's so much more, it's really a strategy guide--that page is all yours, in store for only--

(to be continued)

[edit for a typo]
 posted in Phantasmat: Crucible Peak Collector's Edition on Dec 6, 12 8:05 AM
The demo refuses to even try to install. It fails in nanoseconds. Why? It tells me I don't have permission to install files on my computer.

Huh. Then the hundreds of games and applications that I've installed and ran in the past few years, are what? Accidents? Magic?

I've been getting more 'fails' lately, though usually not 'You can't do that' (in my full administrator rights account). It's usually a malware/virus problem. As in the game demo behaves like one. During install, it tries to backdoor through IE, and when it can't it shuts down the installation. Disgusting.

When you state your games are clean and QC, you obviously have taken to excluding yourself--minimum--in that statement.
 posted in Sale Frenzy on Feb 6, 12 9:27 AM
Full Disclosure: I did NOT download the demo; I couldn't even--for critical purposes--watch the promo video.

I refuse to support it even that much.

Well. I have seen some seriously misogynistic crap here before, but this--as of Feb 6, 1:23pm-is the ultimate in pure offensive, in its premise and its promotion.

In the promo picture for the game, it does NOT look like clothes are what is going to be sold here. If it was just the girl, I'd expect her to be arrested. But the guy in the trench coat? Whoa. He looks like he was ripped out of the pages of a book for children, in, oh around the 80s, as the example of stranger danger. As of pedophiles were generous enough to agree upon an easy recognised costume. This image doesn't say 'Hey! Play this light and fun shopping game'; it says 'Call the police! Now!'

And, of course, girls, the younger you learn it the better: if you want a boy to like you, your self-esteem better be as cheap as your clothes.

It's disgusting this was ever made, and I'm truly revolted that BFG agreed to sell it. It appears they have no more respect for women than the creeper in the corner.
 posted in Mystery Case Files®: Escape from Ravenhearst™ on Dec 21, 11 5:40 AM
I keep getting annoyed at having trials refuse to install because they can't secretly access IE.

No one can access IE; I have it blocked and locked for a reason.

Any legitimate program easily recognises Firefox is my default browser AND, even more importantly, ASKS if I need / want any updates to flash, or whatever else. It disappoints me greatly that shady software is allowed here, and--even worse--often heavily promoted.

This, as well as popups, toolbars, and other skeevy tricks are making BFG look more and more slimy as well.
 posted in XIII - Lost Identity on Nov 28, 11 6:49 AM
What is wrong with HdO?

Oh boy.

As a geek and a pro-writer, their copy paste trash offends me. They treat games with LESS respect than Model T Fords on the assembly line ("You can have your car in any colour you want. As long as its black.")

Although Fords WORKED. To make the analogy more accurate, it needs some tweaks:

You open you the door of your brand new car, and the whole thing comes right off, and you're holding it right right in your hand. No, you are not a cherished member of the X-men. "Hey! This door is made of paper! And it wasn't even glued on!" I could go on and on with this, but the bottom of it is: no matter what car you try, they all take the same route, no diversions, no interests. The scenery is pure crap and the road is worse.

So yes, with lemon after lemon after lemon, many of us get violently motionsick seeing even the letters 'HdO'. And, likewise, they trained us to still froth with rage, over being ripped off so many times.

Also, as an pro-artist, their constant use of popup silouettes--because they couldn't be bothered with the 'waste' of creating and painting a character! Even in freakin 2d! Even badly! GRRRRRRR.

We need to call in Mythbusters to take those horrid things to the shooting range.

Or the bomb range.
 posted in The Chronicles of Shakespeare: Romeo & Juliet on Oct 28, 11 8:02 AM
While claiming to not know the deets on this game specifically, CS told me there are only two reasons a game goes MIA:

1) It is buggier than a rancid swamp in a heat wave, and it gets yanked as a Quality Control issue / breach of contract.

2) The developer wants to sell the game elsewhere, and severs the contract with BFG to make this easier or more profitable.

If it's 1, then the game may reappear, if, and only if, the devs have the interest and the funds to fix their bloody mess.

If it's 2, we'll most likely never hear of the game or the devs again.

Either way, this sucks.

As a major Shakespeare geek from my early teens, who considers The Globe a holy site. ARGH!

It was the ONLY Shakespeare game on the site, and the premise (the improvised rough draft, playing as the characters) had great promise. Hint girl was creepy. I think that would have worked better--and had a much more fun dynamic--if he was bouncing ideas / getting reviews from one of his friends / peers.
 posted in In Search of the Lost Temple on Oct 3, 11 4:13 AM
I see you Indiana Jones font.

I see you, and excellent job on driving me 95% of the way to the HATE side of the arc. It's really impressive to do that just on your game icon, so bask in the shame, you're joining a select crew.

Your most recent fellow inductee would be the SE icon for Awakenings 3. It nearly exploded my hate-o-metre, by deciding that 'Goblin Kingdom' meant--and here I must carefully censor myself, or the mods will do it for me--STD ridden fairy with utterly ridiculous and repulsive Bs. I think they actually just scraped the garbage bin--no, they don't have morals enough to recycle--of the...jerks...who make the current 'Grimm Fairy Tales' comic. (Double bonus geek points! Ding!)

So, you're wearing clothes; you weren't drawn by a creep who had never seen or touched a B. With permission.

Still, I KNOW my Indiana Jones, and, you sir, are no Indiana Jones.

We've already raged this far, let's take a gander at the screenshots.


Hold on, I need to compose myself (and lower my blood pressure, so I don't blackout). You have three, and only three, caps to showcase the best of what you have to offer--art, style, concept, story, theme, gameplay, et al.


We've got two hideous copypasta shots, where no one even attempted to bring together or blend in the free clipart they swiped from 1991. That locker shot? Someone got paid for this. And even if that payment was, 'Hey, um, maybe you can crash tonight on my floor...' , it was TOO MUCH.

And the awkwardly rammed together; garden? I'd rather live in the Heap from Labyrinth. Sure, the...lady...with the chair and the six or eleven HOG piles strapped to her back, would totally cut me in my sleep. BUT David Bowie might swing by, and THERE is a Goblin King who IS art.

And finally out last screenshot...


May you be slapped by a frozen fish in the face.

Forget exploring temples, if you can't make Token Girl topless, she's at least going to be barefoot in the kitchen, chained to the fridge and forced to play Cooking Mama at cursorpoint.


May a 'misclick penalty' take out your eyes...
 posted in Epic Adventures: La Jangada on Sep 30, 11 10:06 AM
JerryInWales wrote:
Wikipedia has an entry for the Verne story on which the game is based: see "Eight Hundred Leagues on the Amazon", which also has an engraving of a jangada boat on which the game scenario is based. Elsewhere Wiki says that jangadas are quite small, but maybe Verne had knowledge of some very large ones.

Well, Verne was a fiction writer, and his favourite--and most popular--type was speculative, usually a mix of science fiction and fantasy. It's much much cooler to have a boat so big that it's a floating city. That's the fun. When you're playing 'Let's Pretend', no one can tell you no.

If anyone wants to read the original book, I just confirmed that it's available (for free, as always) at Project Gutenberg, in multiple formats. I'd post the link, but the mods would just nuke it. Saving books is evil, you know.

(Full Disclosure: I am a PG volunteer.)
 posted in Epic Adventures: La Jangada on Sep 30, 11 9:53 AM
Wow, that demo was indeed quite a trip.

The murky coloured Poser items would have been far enough. To be forced to find them in the BACKGROUND of a static scene, where they have been shrunk down to be literally only a few pixels, that, is cruel and unusual punishment.

I was also forced into windowed mode, because, otherwise, things were so blurry and pixelated, I couldn't even make sense of the foreground.

The ONLY way to find anything is to simply click in a systematic frenzy over the entire screen. Basically, you will be creating an invisible work of Pointillism.
Although, if you obeyed the rules of the game, your entire painting would have to be the same shade of brown.

Given this, a 'misclick' penalty? Seriously? Those should never exist. Period. They are infuriating to everyone, and an unforgivable insult to accessibility. And giving them the caption of 'We we we we we.' does not help.

So this was crap art and bad design no matter when it was made.

The narrator is the joy in this game. She delivers the story with such intensity and emotion, I would have already bought the audio book. Having to suffer the game, with all of the horrors above, AND a load screen about every ten seconds, is too much to ask. I do hope she does have a comfortable career in voice work; she deserves it.
 posted in Epic Adventures: La Jangada on Sep 30, 11 5:42 AM
LadyDream wrote:I'm not a big fan of Poser style figures.

Hey! They looked amazing! A decade ago. At least. If you were extremely sheltered.

And since you could create any 3d object nearly instantly, and only had to give it a paint or texture job if you were cringing a bit with the shame, you could quickly (and cheaply!) create a library of what were, essentially, stamps. You could then just drop them into any scene AND any game, as needed. Perfect filler, especially for no-budget HOGs. Even now, you'll notice, say, 'a phone' is always uniquely identical in style from each dev team. Even if they put 20 of them in a scene.

It is funny (now), how they created a unreal / trying to be real graphic look so distinctive that even a non-artist--let's keep going with the theme--just coming to in the chaos and agony of the 'recovery' room from serious surgery, can recognise any object 'made in poser' easier than their own picture ID.

They're not alone though. As an artist, I can catch, in an instant's glance, 'Terragen Landscape', 'Made in Bryce', and so on, just like I can go 'van Gogh', 'Monet, 'Dali', etc, just like I'm introducing close family members.

Sigh. If this can't be marketable skill--*sob*--it could at least be a mini-game...
 posted in Epic Adventures: La Jangada on Sep 30, 11 4:57 AM
cll1950 wrote:
Java, OMG! Surgery this morning, no food, no water and no coffee.
Feeling mean as a bear. Cats are hiding under the bed mumbleing, " coffee, coffee, whats' coffee and one of you get her some!"

It depends on which bear we're talking about. If it's Pooh Bear, we're golden. But if you're feeling like Rabbit, well...we all need to hide under the bed.

Having had many scary and unpleasant surgeries and tests, with even more just waiting to batter me down in the future, let me say I hope it at least goes 'as well as can be expected', but I'll be rooting for 'far better than we could have hoped'. *hug*

(Yeah, I'm not afraid to hug a bear; I hear they give the best hugs...)
 posted in Caveman Physics on Sep 20, 11 2:16 AM
DragonLadyOz wrote:So, have we all been proactive in PMing the Mods to ask for clarification?

I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

My fear of mods was well and deeply smacked into me back during my IRC days. Asking a question that they viewed as a waste of their time was a standard for the silent kick-ban. Basically, shoving you out of the room and locking the door for you ever after...aaaaaand you usually had to guess what you did wrong. The best was, it was probaby nothing. Mods would get bored and decided they'd race each other to kick-ban the next person who came in...

WAIT! This explains it! Somone, groggy and wanting coffee, flipped on the flux capacitor instead. THAT'S why it's a 'large file'. Cavemen have ripped the space / time continuum and we have been thrown back where there is 14.4 diaup...

Excuase me, I'll be in the corner, sobbing...

ETA: Clearly, this also explains why Cavemen randomly took over the TGT halfway through the day yesterday. If someone stepped on a butterfly--AGAIN--we're getting a site redesign and a new game manager...
 posted in Samurai Last Exam on Aug 3, 11 5:27 AM

re already flung a few centuries backwards by the misleading title. Samurais were elite warriors. Those big sword things? Yeah. Wasn't used for slicing onions. What's next in the culturally oblivious line of sims? Ninja Garden? :|

And, mercy, all the terrible cooking sims that have been crapped on us in the past few weeks...

Felix better stay nimble or he's going to find himself lightly dusted with flour and placed in a lightly greased frying pan...
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